Until I met you

•Chapter Ten

-Jahaan-

I have never been so scared in my entire life. I have been looking for Dhivti since the past fifteen minutes. As soon as she left from there, I first talked to Mishti and made her understand and just because I didn't want to take any chances because of her current mental health, I called my mother to be with her until I look for Dhivti.

For the first time, I saw it. The pain. I saw it in her eyes. Her eyes were so cold but somehow, I was finally able to break through the coldness and actually read her eyes and god help me, I just want to hug her so tight and protect her from this damn world. It sucks that she has to hide her fucking pain. I had asked Aarav about Dhivti but he said he has no idea, only Dhivti's mother and Anisha know what had happened. However, now I have an idea to what made her like this. She lost someone to suicide. Someone she loved with everything in her.

I may not know how bad it hurts but I sure know suicide is the worst way to die. Most heartbreaking way to die and it is one reason why I chose this profession. I want people to never think of such as long as I am a part of their life. There was a time in my life I also used to be suicidal and I know exactly how it feels hence, I never want anyone to feel the same way. I hate that Dhivti has experienced what I never want to experience in my life and I hate that she lost herself in the process.

'I miss myself. That carefree, mischievous and cheery Dhivti. She is gone. She is gone, forever.' I recalled her words that I heard in the terrace. The things I'd do to bring that Dhivti back. Anything.

Where are you, Dhivti? Please, let me see you. I am just driving senselessly looking around to find Dhivti. It is raining so heavily; I just hope she is safe and under some shade. I look around to see a figure standing on a bridge. Dhivti? I immediately get out of the car and go towards the bridge to see if it is Dhivti. Please be Dhivti. Please please. I run towards the figure and desperately turn her around. Dhivti. I feel alive. It is her. Completely drenched. Eyes red. Looking so broken, it breaks my heart. I waste no time and just hug her. She tries to push me but I just tighten my hold around her and she eventually just gives up.

"Where the fuck have you been? I have been driving like a mad person looking for you. You scared the living shit out of me, Dhivti Verma," I scream as soon as I break away from the hug.

"Why are you looking for me?" she says in the same cold tone and seeming extremely calm when we both know that is not how it is inside her mind.

"Don't. Don't fucking close off yourself," I hold her face in my palms, "Let me in, Dhivti. It hurts to see you like this," I continue, my tone very soft. She looks into my eyes and for a moment, it looks like she is finally giving in. Her façade is coming off.

"Take me home," she says as soon as she realizes that she was just about to give in and pushes my hands away from her face. I pull her back to me and look at her, into her eyes, "Please, Dhivti."

"I am tired Mr. Joshi. Take me home or leave me and I go by myself," she says and pulls away from me and starts walking away. I run behind her catching up with her.

I open the passenger door of the car for her to sit and go towards the driver's once she has sat. I drive the car but my mind is all about the woman sat in my car right now. Why did I get so scared about her? It physically hurt me when I could not find her. Why? Is she becoming more than a crush?

"How is Mishti?" She asks, finally saying something.

"I have talked to her, she is much better now. Mummy is there with her right now. I will go back once I drop you," I say

"Did my words hurt her? I came off rude at that time."

"No, in fact she realized she was being selfish thinking about herself only. She even asked me to thank you," I say and she immediately looks at me thinking I am lying to her. "I am not lying. She wanted to personally thank you but I told her Dhivti Verma is scary so I can't ask her myself," I say, the last part being a lie just to get a reaction out of her. I told Mishti that I will bring Dhivti to her whenever I can.

"Scary?"

"Yes, aren't you?"

"Why would you tell that to a little child? She could be scared thinking I would harm her," she glares at me. Fucking finally. I missed her glares so damn much. A smile breaks out on my face, unknowingly.

"What is so funny?" she asks and I clear my throat and keep a straight face. "So, you care about the girl, who by the way, is a stranger to you, and do not give two shits about me, Ms. Verma?" I say trying to sound hurt.

"You are a stranger too."

"Then care about this stranger too," I say, looking at her intensely. By this time, I have stopped the car at the side of the road.

"Care about what?" she says, avoiding my eyes.

"Let me in, Dhivti. Please," I say which makes her look at me again.

"I want to go home," she turns her face away from me once again and I don't push her any further either. I start the car and drive.

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We reach her place and she wastes no time to leave. She says a small thanks before walking away. I also start driving back once she goes inside. Throughout the ride, I am questioning what I feel for Dhivti Verma. If it is just a crush, I wouldn't be so scared to death. I usually care about anyone I know to an extent but with Dhivti, it was way beyond. I go back to Mishti to check on her and also, to distract myself from Dhivti.

"J?" Mishti comes running to me as soon as I enter. She is one of my patients too but we both have formed a deeper bond hence; she is more like family now.

"How are you feeling, cutie?" I ask

"I feel much better, J. I promise I will never think of those thoughts again. Never," she smiles sadly.

"You don't have to as long as your J is here. I won't let you," I say and hug her again.

After a few moments, we are just in the sitting room where Mishti is watching TV and my mind drifts back to Dhivti.

"You like her, don't you, J?" Mishti starts a conversation.

"What? Who?"

"That girl you told me about. Dhivti."

"No, I don't like her. Why do you think so?"

"I saw the fear and panic in your face when she just left like that. You wanted to run behind her, right? But you couldn't go because you didn't want to leave me alone. You did not waste a second to go behind her when aunty came to look after me," she explains so calmly as if she did not just give me a reality check.

"That doesn't mean I like her," I give her a side eye.

"Yeah, it could also be love," I choke on nothing as soon as those words come out of her. Love? Not possible.

"Mishti, I think you should take some rest. Lack of rest is highly affecting your mind," I playfully glare at her.

"And lack of realization and self-awareness is highly affecting your mind," she fires back which just makes me glare harder.

"I don't love her, Mishti."

"You can."

You can. Two words. The two simple words have created a havoc inside me.

Dhivti Verma has got more coming her way.
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