Castaway

i

So here I am.

Lying on the water-soaked moss along the shoreline of... well, an island.

As I lay here, letting the frigid water wash up against my feet, I feel myself begin to get lost in the constant motion of the water brushing up against my ankles.

Wave...

After wave...

After wave.

My toes will be deeply frostbitten in no time.

If we're smarter than this, I would be getting up, finding shelter, building a fire. Of course, if were smart, I would have payed attention to the few survival lessons l'd had as a child; the ones that would've taught me to do those very things.

If I were smart, I would have acted when it counted.

So why not just lie here and let the cold swallow me whole?

As another freezing rush of water washes over my boots, I remember how I got here, and with an aching heart, how I failed to save my own brother's life.

• • •

"I think I'm getting better," I had mumbled to him as we swayed over the Alaskan sea.
"Of course you are! We've been out here for two months and on day one, you'd throw up for half an hour and then sleep for two days! Now you just turn a little green. That's definetly improvement!" My brother, Everett, replied with a forceful pat on my back.

I gave him a weak smile. I still questioned how I ever let him convince me to leave our sunny home of Eaglesburg. A fourth month boat trip? To northern Alaska?

Something about seeing the whales.

Of course, when he'd asked, I did not want to go. Cold? Open ocean? Nothing about that sounded appealing to me. But my brother always had been a persuasive one, and he would not be dissuaded.

So after a week, I had agreed.

That was probably my first mistake.

It was not enjoyable, as I got unbelievably seasick, but Everett was always at my side, helping me out, giving me those kind of smiles you just can't resist being drawn to.

He had always been the sweeter one of the two of us.

"Do you have any more of those pills? You know, the ones that help me fall asleep?" I asked drearily, leaning over the side of the boat, my forearms braced on the railing.
He laughed, "you ate them all. You're just going to have to tough it out for the rest of the trip."

I sighed and went into the lower deck of his sailboat to take a nap.

Mistake number two.

• • •

I was jerked awake by the boat moving from side to side furiously.

I felt my regular anxiety flare up. The boat had swayed before, but never like this. When I swung my feet over the side of the bed, the splash I heard and icy bite I felt on my toes did not help my nerves. Looking down, I found water filling the bottom of the boat.

Oh god.

I hurriedly laced up my boots and raced up the stairs from the lower deck to see Everett untying the life boat as quickly as he could manage. "Hurry, Axel! We have to get off this boat!" He screamed at me over the howling wind, but his words were to lost to me.

I was... paralyzed.

The sky was black with clouds and lightning. It was pouring rain and the wind had enough power to knock me over.

But the scariest part was the waves, they reached higher than the roof of my house back home. Each one looked like it would take us under completely. I was horrified but through my fear, managed to stagger to the life boat and help Everett untie it. Another violent gust of wind shook the boat and suddenly Everett was gone. One moment he was there and the next he wasn't. It was like he had vanished.

And then I heard his voice. "Axel! Axel, help!"

And then I spotted him.

... In the water.

Hanging on by a rope.

"Pull me out" he shouted desperately, as a wave crashed into him, dragging him under momentarily.

And thats when I snapped. I fell to my knees and squeezed my eyes shut, covering my cars.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I had to convince myself it all wasn't real.

This was all a dream. It was those stupid pills.

It isn't real, it isn't real, it isn't real, I couldn't stop saying it.

I stayed like that for a long time, letting the rain pound on my shoulders. I continued to hear Everett's voice over the wind, but I kept telling myself it was fake until eventually it faded away along with everything else.

It began to feel like the dream was going to end soon, until there was a horrifing crack and all of the sudden the solid ground beneath me disappeared and I was met with freezing water that felt like daggers in my skin. I gasped for air and opened my eyes just in time to see what was left of the boat dissapear into the waves.

The waves I was now helplessly caught in.

I spotted the lifeboat—a little broken, but still intact—floating through the wreckage. I swam as quickly as I could to the small ship, fighting the raging waters, and managed to crawl inside. My hands were shaking and my teeth were chattering incessantly. Head empty, I ripped the survival blanket out the safety kit Everett told me to carry around at all times, and wrapped it oround my body. Slowly, I felt the reflective effect kick in, and I started to warm up.

The waters seemed to calm in a matter of minutes.

Warmer, my thoughts and consciousness slowly returning, I glanced from my toes to my surroundings.

My one hundredth mistake.

There was almost nothing left of Everett's boat, save a few random objects floating about. The stars had gotten smaller now, and the sun was beginning to rise. The waves were tiny now.

I called out Everett's name, over and over, but of course, he didn't reply.

He would never reply, because he was gone.

And it was all my fault.