Castaway

hope

Hope.

It's a word I need to keep reminding myself exists. Though really, it's not the word I need to force upon myself, but the veritable feeling.

That damned fleeting feeling.

I think it's a feeling of pure determination, a feeling where giving up feels entirely ruled out.

I say 'I think' because I don't think I've felt hope in a very long time.

It used to come and go. Like the waves.

But when it faded, there would always be the other feeling, the feeling of... surrender. Of acceptance. The feeling that tells me I should just... well, give up.

Perhaps I will. After all, the second feeling is the only one I've been able to feel lately.

If you're going to live, you should have something to live for, right? At this point, I don't think I know what I'm living for anymore. My wife and daughter? Perhaps. Though I can no longer remember their faces.

I was told time and time again that life is gift, but I'm starting to think the truth is that life is simply what we're stuck with. It's what we have, whether we like it or not, and no one ever really stops to wonder.

What if there's something beyond this life? Something... better?
And all you have to do to get there is to sacrifice this life?

Because in the end, we're all just specks of sand in a vast ocean, and who cares if one is... washed away?

And so I continue to wonder... which feeling will win this infernal battle? Hope... or surrender?

- The journal of castaway Garo Javionaro, 1922

I will choose the hope. I'll choose the hope no matter what, because I owe it to you, and I owe it to him.

One of us will make it off of this island. I promise.

- Added by castaway Axel Tzinzana, 2014