He was her first love, the first to give her heart to, and her biggest regret.
Maya Kapoor has always loved the way Rayan Malhotra makes her heart feel, romantically or platonically.
Whereas, Rayan has been nothing but a friendly senior to Maya.
Ye...
"I-uh", he tries to speak but I cut him off before he can finish, "Do you already have someone in your life?" I ask, my voice trembling and as the spoon, I held slips from the grip of my fingers. I see Rayan visually freeze and seeing him like that makes my eyes fill with tears I cannot blink away.
"No, Maya. It was just casual." he closes his eyes and looks up at the ceiling and inhales shakily. "She's just an acquaintance. I'm not with anyone." he trails off as a tear rolls down my cheek unknowingly.
"What? I don't understand? What is casual supposed to mean?" I ask getting up from my seat and pacing.
"Her name is Amelia, and i met her at Aarav's party," He trails after me and reaches for me but I shake my head, "Don't touch me, Rey" I say my voice being soft but firm, "Talk" I yell, surprising myself because I'm still calling him by the nickname I gave him even though my heart is shattering to shambles.
"Okay, so she texted me that day and I was at her place that night," he says, his voice pleading after me.
"Have you met her since? Are you casual with anyone else?" I snap.
"No, not since that night. And probably never again," he says and I nod even though I don't know what to make of it.
"There's no one i care about except you. Okay? There is no one other than you in my life. You are the only girl in my life" he states.
But his words echo in my brain for long enough until they morph into another man's voice. A voice like Armaan's. Suddenly, a sharp pain pinches inside my head and I bring my hand up to massage my temples. I clutch the side of the kitchen island so that I don't fall to my knees.
Many memories that I'm not familiar with flash through my brain. Moments with Armaan I didn't seem to remember flooded my brain. Memories with him that I'd blocked away inside my head suddenly rushed back at me and a wave of overwhelming sadness and mixed emotions took over the best of me. And then I remembered.
A groan escapes my throat, "Armaan" I say, wincing in pain.
My vision starts to blur and the pain in my head becomes more than I can take and I feel someone's hand on my back to steady me. Rayan's hand. But before I could focus on how I didn't want him to touch me, Armaan's face flashed through my mind over and over again.
Rayan's muffled voice reaches my ears asking if I'm okay, but before I can form words and get them out from my lips, I collapse.
Black.
All black.
Nothing but void.
Rayan
"In amnesia, a patient tends to block out memories." Dr. Gupta says, and I try to act as if I understood everything he just said, but I guess my act wasn't as very convincing, so he starts to explain further. "Often, amnesia is someone's way of protecting themselves from events that may have been traumatic. Psychologically speaking, the brain may decide they're better off without certain memories altogether. And by what you have told me Rayan. It most likely she likely has Retrograde amnesia or Dissociative amnesia." he finishes
"I apologize, what does that mean? I'm afraid I do not know what that means,"
"So, when someone suffers from retrograde amnesia, they can't recall memories from the past. Like significant memories. And, dissociative amnesia is when your mind blocks out patches of memory and things you know about yourself, causing "gaps" in your memory. These "gaps" aren't identified by the patient themselves, but if and when these forgotten memories come back is unpredictable but when they come back when something triggers them" he says
I nod in response before speaking again, "And what can these triggers be?" I ask
"These can be really anything. Sentences, words, pictures, or souvenirs of the past.", I nod again. What hurt her so bad that she developed amnesia? I want to take away everything that makes her sad, but now I feel like I may be a trigger for her.
"Rayan, by what I can tell, and by what you have told me, Maya seems sensitive. You have to be careful with your words around her. And before you ask, you cannot tell anyone suffering from amnesia about the memories they have lost, because that will lead to them creating faux memories according to their understanding of the version of events that you have told them". He answers my question without even me saying it. But what did I say that made her remember so something traumatic from her past that she had to block it out.
"Thank you so much uncle for coming here on here so quickly. I'll take care of whatever you say," I say and pass an assuring smile.
Dr. Gupta has been a family doctor all my life. He's almost like a family figure. He always helps me and the best part, he never snitches on me.
"It's okay Rayan. Also, do not ask questions about what she remembered and how it happened. Because when these memories come back, they come back with all the emotions they experienced back then. So I recommend waiting until they themselves open up and tell you."
"Okay, thank you so much once again, uncle," I smiled, and he patted me on the back, "Until next time beta," he said.
"Come on uncle, I'll walk you out," I say and I lead the way to the door of her apartment.
As soon as I closed the door on him, I rushed back to Maya's room where she was peacefully resting. I walk up to the side of her bed and look at her for a couple of minutes. Beautiful. My sweet angel. My sunshine. My world. My whole heart. My Maya.
But I broke her heart, even though I broke her heart unknowingly and unintentionally. And I don't think I'll forgive myself for that. Even if she does, I cannot. But I will love her so much, that all of the heartache that I've ever caused her will be plastered shut. Did I just say that I will love her? Yes. Am I seriously realizing that I'm falling in love with my junior right now?
Oh god. How dumb do I have to be?s I just got her to be mine but I cannot lose her. I cannot bear the pain of seeing her with someone else.
I comprehend whether I want to lie down next to her. Would she want me to? If she was okay right now, she wouldn't want me to. But right now, at this moment, she needs me, whether she wants to admit it or not, god why am I getting hung up in all this bullshit? let me be honest, I need her.
I walk to the other side of her bed and pull the covers. I settle right next to my beautiful angel, and her neck rests right under my chin. Her hot breath fanning on my neck. Her sweet strawberry scent is addicting, I just wish I could completely dissolve in it.
I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear as I talk to myself as if I'm talking to her, "You are the only one in my life. And I want you in it, forever. I know every word I say seems like a lie, but I think I'm falling deeper than I should my love. You are everything to me, and more. And as much as it scares me, if you asked me to get you the moon, I would try to get it for you."
She throws her arm at me as if she knew I was right next to her and buries her face in my chest. We fit like two pieces in a puzzle. I love it when she buries her head in my chest as if it's her safe place. I want to be someone she can confide in, and I'm afraid I've lost that.
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vote sorry for the boring ass chapters guys. going thru a creative block :(
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