Behind Boundaries

29

“I don’t care! ang akin lang, bakit hindi mo sinabi? G-ginagamit mo ako tapos.. tapos wala naman pala sa ‘yo!”

I gulped as I saw how angry my wife was. Her eyes was filled with rage and creating walls and I became unable to speak for myself. When did I start to forget that she’s a general psychiatrist, after all?

After living with her for almost five months, we started to use each other’s body like a real couples who’s in love with each other. Pero para sa akin, hanggang doon lang talaga ang kaya kong ibigay sa kaniya.

Breaking up with my long time girlfriend named Fronti, became the hardest point of my life. It was like I’ve lost a huge part in me.. Iyong babaeng naiintindihan ang pagkakaroon ko ng HSDD? si Fronti ‘yon.

“Maghiwalay na tayo.”

It was a statement. She wanted to null our marriage because I already found out that she’s dating her ex-boyfriend, Samael Salazar. I never say anything about this matter dahil ang gusto ko lang, manatili siya sa akin.. na sa akin pa rin siya uuwi after everything.

Everyday is my busy day. Parang sa firm na ako nakatira dahil simula noong makilala ang Trio Légal, halos lahat ng high profile cases ay handle na namin. Nakakapagod talaga lalo na kung hindi pa naman kami gano’n karami unlike other firms.

“No way, Samael is mine! you know what? I saw him sleeping with your wife, at wala kang alam kung pinilit ba siya ni Samael dahil busy ka palagi!”

Lilith Fernandez, a prominent artist, bragged herself into my office just to show me different pictures of my wife and Samael. Of course, I don’t believe her, not until she brought me where they are.

Alam kong hindi ko gusto si Dione. The reason why my heart accepted that she’s sleeping with her boyfriend at sa totoo lang, hindi ako nasaktan doon. We’re married, yes. Pero alam ko na hindi ko siya gusto at hindi ko kayang ibigay sa kaniya ang gusto niya... ang magka anak kami.

“Walang makaka alam nito, ha?”

Lilith signed a contract. Kapag may nakaalam ng tungkol na sa bagay na ito, na kahit na sino ay ipapakulong ko siya and she agreed on that.

“Happy Birthday, Eriv.”

Dione greeted me a happy birthday with tears. Sigurado akong guilty siya sa ginawa niya dahil alas siyete na siya ng umaga nakauwi. I look at her and I hope to find the truth in her eyes, that she didn’t allow me to see.

“S-sorry, buntis ako... tapos.. h-hindi ikaw.”

After a month, she started to tell me the truth she’s hiding for almost quarter of the year. Her vulnerable side makes me feel the guilt of not loving her, and making her feel like she’s nothing to me.

As a compensation for my cold demeanor for the past months, I decided to took care of her and the baby. Hindi na siya umaalis ng bahay, at nakatulala na lang siya palagi tuwing uuwi ako.

“Hindi ko ginawa! wala akong ginawa, Vis.. h-hindi ko ni rape ang asawa mo, maniwala ka naman.”

He’s shouting behind bars. I pulled some string to put him inside the prison, after what he did. Wala na rin akong pakialam sa kung ano pa ang ipapaliwanag niya. Ang mahalaga, mailayo ko siya kay Dione.

Ang makita siya sa pinakamababang parte ng buhay niya ang nagbukas sa puso ko para papasukin siya. Baligtad, hindi ba? noong okay naman siya ay ayaw ko sa kaniya, then when she’s not okay, bigla ko na lang siyang minahal.

“I love you, Elia Dione.”

Sinabi niya rin naman na mahal niya ako, eh. She’s trying to be a good wife despite of what she has done. Kahit buntis siya, umuuwi pa rin ako na may nakahain na hapunan. Pero napapansin ko palagi ang mga mata niyang hindi nakakapagsinungaling sa akin. She’s guilty.