HEALED

I: blondie

LANE

I check if anyone texted me while I listen my friends talking to each other. It was always like these, them two rambling and me, just being there. It's not like I am being left out, I just don't have anything exciting to talk about.

And like the usual, no one texted me. I turn off my phone and just watch what's in front of me as I try to think about something to join the conversation of the two people next to me. But nothing comes in my mind.

As much I hate to admit it, I felt left out. For some reason, I guess.

I hear laughing and immediately turn to see what's about. I see Izabel's back facing me, but still seeing her and Amayah laugh uncontrollably.

I wish I had a friendship like how they have. I wish I had someone I could trust and tell everything on my mind. Someone that I could be comfortable around to share secrets, cry in their embrace when something goes wrong, get excited whenever we see each other even if the last time we saw each other was hours ago, call everyday and tell each other about our day and more.

But with a person like me, no one would want to do something like that with me. I have an awkward personality, I am shy, only talk when someone talks to me, clumsy, stupid. When I feel cool with someone, I talk nonsense and too much.

I am not pretty enough, I never had a boyfriend, or my first kiss. If I was like the other girls around me, maybe I will had experienced both of them. Sometimes I wonder, am I loveable? Will someone ever want me as a girlfriend? As a wife? As a person to spent their whole life with?

I just need someone, right now.

I am out of my thoughts when Amayah talks, "Hey, let's go to the skatepark, Nicholas might be there with his friends, we should hang out with them.". She suggests, Nicholas is the boy she took an interest in.

I nod while Izabel says sure. We get up and head towards there. As we enter the skatepark, I see many people, of our age here.

Some of them greet Amayah. She's known around here even if she doesn't skate.

She doesn't know how much I envy her.

She's a little popular and very pretty. A lot of boys turn their heads to her when she walks past them. I wish I had something like that too.

When we arrive where Nicholas is supposed to be, we look around searching for him. "I see him, go get your man, Amayah." Izabel points where he is and Amayah runs there.

As we approach them closer, Nicholas is not alone, like Amayah said. There are some boys with him, skating and messing around.

"Oh yeah, these are Izabel and Lane. We came here to hang out, you don't mind joining you all?" Amayah asks him and Nicholas shakes his head.

"Not at all. By the way I am Nicholas." He introduces himself. "We know." Is what me and Izabel want to say but choose to stay silent.

I look at the boys he's with, and spot a blondie. A cute one. He has curly hair and bright brown eyes. He's not tall, neither short.

I don't know why, but looking at him, makes me smile, everything around him just shines.

He's surrounded by many people, laughing, talking, having fun.

One more person to add in the "People I am jealous of" list.

Not realizing I was staring too much, we make eye contact. I feel myself blush a little and immediately put my attention on something else.

I see Izabel sitting nearby and go to join her, seeing in no point standing there, listening to those having fun and me just staying silent.

She's on her phone. Texting her boyfriend. We stay in silence. I wish we had something to talk about. I think about something.

"Izabel! Come here!" Amayah shouts just as I was about to say something. She stands up and leaves me to see what's up.

I watch as they are all laughing. Should I go join them? I want to. But I can't. I don't know them and I am too scared to say even a word to them.

What if they will think I am weird?

I see the blondie, laughing along them. He looks like he is having the time of his life there. He adds something and it makes the others laugh much more. I wish I could be like him.

His smile slowly drops and he looks at me. Without thinking I turn my head in the other direction.

I try to distract myself from crying, looking at everything but there.

Why can't I join them? I don't know. All I know is that if I go there, I will just stand there, no one paying attention to me, like I don't even exist.

I sigh as I notice that the sky gets darker and the streets lights are on. I get up and leave. Texting Amayah telling her that I am not feeling well.

While I walk, tears roll down from my cheeks. I tried my best and still failed.

Before I exit the park I hear someone shout my name. An unfamiliar voice at that. I stop and wipe my tears the best I can and turn around.

Oh, blondie.

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