Opposites - Inosuke x Zenitsu

19. Hating yourself

Zenitsu's Pov:

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Awkward silence. Everyone at the table stared at the four of us. And we, Inosuke, Nezuko, Tanjiro, and of course, I stared back. What was happening? Were we late? They're staring at us as if we were demons or something. But suddenly, Tengen's face twisted, and he looked like he was about to burst. Then, all of a sudden, he started laughing loudly!

Everyone at the table turned pale and seemed more shocked than surprised. All eyes were now on Tengen, who was also pointing at us, unable to stop laughing. More specifically, he seemed to be pointing more at me and Inosuke than at Tanjiro and Nezuko, I think. But not half a second later, there was a loud slapping sound because Rengoku had forcefully slapped his hand over Tengen's mouth to make him stop.

He had also turned pale and looked as if Akaza had just proposed to him. He still smiled as always, but it was more of a nervous, evasive smile. He stared at Tengen with that smile and a piercing gaze. Tengen wanted to say something, but in addition to that, I heard a thud under the table, and I knew that Rengoku had stepped on Tengen's foot. Tengen groaned in pain, but fell silent.

Inosuke and I were utterly confused. Rengoku gave Tengen another death glare but eventually turned to us while the pale in his face turned into a bright red.

"S-sorry! P-please, s-sit down." He moved a bit away from Tengen, creating a large gap between him and Mitsuri Kanroji. However, Mitsuri also turned bright red. "KYAAAAA!!!!" she suddenly screamed, buried her face in her hands again, and leaped onto Obanai Iguro's lap, next to whom she had been sitting until now.

He was also surprised and almost lost his balance but managed to hold on. Inosuke and I had no idea what was going on or why Tengen had suddenly started laughing! Did we really look so stupid? Was it our height? Did he think we were taller and just couldn't handle the fact that we were only 1.65 meters tall? No, that's just ridiculous.

But Miss Kanroji has been acting strange all morning! First, the incident earlier, and now this... No... everyone was weird today! Not just Miss Kanroji and Mr. Tengen: Even Mr. Rengoku, Tanjiro, Nezuko, the other Pillars, the girls from the Butterfly Estate, and even the remaining Pillars: Everyone is acting weird this morning!

I gave Inosuke a questioning look, and he just shrugged, took my hand, and pulled me towards the bench with Mr. Rengoku, Mr. Iguro, and Miss Kanroji... and everyone could see that we were holding hands!

...I mean... that wouldn't have been a problem, but in this strange, tense atmosphere, and then after Mr. Tengen had this weird laughing fit, and then the strange reaction of the others at the table, especially the reaction of Mr. Rengoku, and Miss Kanroji's reaction after she was supposed to sit next to us! (I mean... those 'embarrassment fits' are notoriously normal for Miss Kanroji, the Pillar of Love, but this and the last time there was no reason for it! ..

Well, given these points, I'm just unsure if it's the right thing to show so publicly that we're together! Maybe some people don't even know yet and are completely surprised. Perhaps it's shocking for some, as most (if not all) knew about my previous 'friendship' with Inosuke! Was that perhaps the reason? Did the news that we're together spread so quickly? Could it really spread like wildfire over just ONE DAMN NIGHT? Who even blabbed about it? Was it Tanjiro? No... he would never do that. Just like Nezuko, who doesn't talk much. She hardly ever speaks to anyone other than Tanjiro. Maybe it was Aoi! Yes, that sounded plausible! It could be! Great, and now the whole Butterfly Estate PLUS PILLARS are making fun of it. But Inosuke apparently hadn't thought that far yet because he seemed to have no concerns as he continued to pull me.

Either I was overthinking - or Inosuke was underthinking. (..From personal experience, I would guess possibility number 2..) I didn't even dare to look at the Pillars and other people at the table because I was afraid of getting confirmation for all my assumptions. Come on, Zenitsu!... What did Inosuke say to me earlier when I cried because I had a severe breakdown during the regeneration training, after Mr. Shinazugawa completely tore me apart: "ZENITSU, YOU DAMN CRYBABY; SHUT UP, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, AND JUST ACT LIKE YOU DON'T CARE WHAT OTHERS SAY! AND IF YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT, JUST ACT LIKE YOU DON'T CARE, UNDERSTAND?!"

I looked up and stared at him with big eyes as tears continued to stream down my cheeks. "Look: Just do it like me! I am the great Inosuke Hashibira, King of the Mountains, by far the strongest Demon Slayer of all time, the leader of our quartet, and I defeat every monster with ease!"

By now, Inosuke had knelt down to me, but I just couldn't stop crying. I wasn't crying because of the terrible insults that this Wind Pillar had thrown at me: the thought that someone couldn't stand, didn't like, or even hated my nature, appearance, strength, and just me as a whole person... (if not even) was bothering me more than I wanted, and it completely destroyed me internally, especially because I had been carrying an immense self-hatred with me since I could think.

Over time (especially since Inosuke and I have been together), it had improved significantly, but it was still there, and at this point, it was as intense as ever. I just felt like the last piece of shit, but unfortunately, no one understood. No one, not even Tanjiro, the purest and kindest person I know, understood. Everyone always saw me as a crybaby, scaredy-cat, coward, and so on. I just felt so alone. So, I sniffed once, wiped my eyes, and said with a broken voice: "...Y-you talk big..."

I turned away, but Inosuke didn't give up: "I'm serious! Don't make yourself a target for others. Just look at them, say 'fuck you' to them in your mind, and just keep smiling!" He hit me on the head in rhythm with the words, just like Grandpa used to do whenever he wanted to teach me something: "DON'T. MAKE. YOURSELF. A. TARGET. FOR. OTHERS!" I turned away even more, whining: "Ouch! You're hurting me! Stop that!!!" But for some reason, I stopped crying. I guess it was because Inosuke had never said something so smart and mature to me before, and because he was right somewhere. I wiped my face again. "And? Am I right or am I right?"

Inosuke asked. I made a sound because I didn't want to admit that he was more than right. But Inosuke interpreted that as a yes and jumped up. "See?! The great Inosuke did it again! I'm just the coolest and strongest leader of all time, and you'll never be as great as me!" I couldn't suppress it and started laughing. Inosuke laughed too. Then he reached out his hand and asked: "So?"

Although I hesitated, I eventually took it. That was one of the few beautiful moments I shared with Inosuke from the past year, and it might have contributed to me eventually falling in love with him. And as we slowly went back to the regeneration training with Mr. Shinazugawa, Inosuke said, "Zenitsu. If you want, hate everyone else, but never hate yourself. If you do that, it's all over."

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