STURNIOLO ONESHOTS

Suicide Note

Tw: mentions of suicide, brief mention of drugging and violence

Chris had annoyingly misplaced his favorite red Pepsi shirt, looking for it everywhere. He had searched his room and then Nicks, so now it was time to see if it had been incorrectly placed in Matt's room.

Matt had gone out somewhere, Chris doesn't really know where to be honest. Matt usually will just leave the house, not saying where he is going. Chris doesn't really care, because he doesn't need to know.

Chris stepped foot inside Matt's bedroom. Lately, Matt has been in his bedroom a lot, and this is the first time in weeks chris has been in here. The shades were down, it smelled like whatever food he had eaten last, and there were clothes all over the floor. Chris never took Matt to be the messy type, yet right now he thought different.

He was about to leave when he couldn't find
his shirt, but something caught his eye. A letter was sticking out of Matt's desk, and Chris knew he shouldn't read it, but curiosity kills the cat. And right now, Chris was the cat.

So he slid the paper out and held it in his hands as he started to read. Except as he got further and further, tears welled up in his eyes and his stomach twisted. This was a suicide note. Chris's hands shook and a tear dropped onto the paper, which had already had past tear stains from Matt.

Chris immediately started to freak out, texting and calling Matt. When Matt didn't answer that second, Chris ran to Nicks room, only to see he wasn't home either. Then Chris got a call back from Matt.

"Hey-"

"Where are you?" Chris asked immediately.

"At target? Are you good?" Matt asked confused.

"Are you good?" Chris flipped the question, before continuing before Matt could answer "are you with someone? Are you with Nick?" He asked frantically.

"Yeah Nick came with me. What's up with you" Matt quirked an eyebrow even though Chris couldn't see.

"Nothing just come home as soon as you can" chris ordered sternly.

"Your freaking me out dude. We're leaving now" matt announced before hanging up.

Chris might have bitten all of his nails off by the time matt had gotten home. The first thing Chris did was run up and hug Matt tight. "I need to talk to you. Now" chris said which freaked Matt out. Nick eyed them as Chris led Matt to his room.

"What's up?" Matt sat down on Chris's bed. But Matt's smile didn't remain for long, because Chris reached into his pocket and took out a paper. The paper. Matt knew exactly what it looked like. Front and back. He had examined numerous times.

Matt froze and when he made eye contact with Chris, he gave away any opportunity to lie and say it wasn't his. "Matt, what is this?" Chris asked, his voice barely staying strong.

"Nothing. I don't know" Matt tried to act clueless, but there was no point. His heart was beating fast. He couldn't believe someone had found it. It was only meant for Matt to see, until he decided it was time to make use for it.

"Matt tell me what the fuck this is" Chris said angrier with tears. Chris held back tears as he held up the paper aggressively. Matt's hands trembled. His throat was heavy, and he wanted to die on the spot.

"You know what it is, chris" he said defeated. When Matt said that, Chris couldn't hold back any more tears. He didn't audibly cry, but the tears ran down the sides of his cheeks.

"Why Matt? Why would you write this?" Chris asked in a begging tone. The lump in Matt's throat grew heavier, and he wanted to tell chris that it was all fine and the letter was just a joke. But it wasn't.

"Chris I'm not talking about this with you. I can't believe you fucking snooped in my room!" Matt forced anger into his tone as he tried to accuse Chris.

"I wasn't snooping. It was laying right out in plain sight!" Chris yelled back. Matt looked away, not wanting to look at the heartbroken brother in front of him. "Just tell me why. Why I had to find my brothers fucking suicide note!?" Chris yelled more.

Matt didn't like hearing the words suicide note. He liked to think of it more of a goodbye note. "I started writing it when I was fifteen Chris. I haven't done anything about it yet" matt tried to comfort Chris with those words, but it only freaked him out more.

"Fifteen!? You've been planning this since then? And you didn't want to tell anyone?" Chris asked angrily. Matt sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, because I was gonna tell my brothers I wanted to kill myself" matt argued back. Chris felt nauseous hearing Matt say the actual words 'kill my self'. "Chris I've been feeling like this since I was thirteen, it's nothing new to me. And besides, I haven't done it yet, huh?" Matt tried to add lightness to the conversation, but Chris wasn't having it.

"But I don't understand. You've always been so happy" chris shrugged confused at Matt.

"Cmon Chris, I was never happy. I started being the second choice to you in elementary school. Called names behind my back in middle school. And since freshman year, abused by a bunch of assholes, including some of your stupid fucking friends. Not to mention the times I got drugged at parties and had to tell you guys I just broke our promise and drank. Or the death threats or comments to kill myself. So don't say that I was always happy, because I know for a fact that isn't true" Matt choked out the last part. Yet Matt held back tears while he said this.

Chris has never noticed or even been informed on any of this. Matt had always had a strong ability to act stoic. "I'm sorry" chris whispered out. Matt scoffed and nodded.

"Don't be. Just don't pretend to care when I'm gone" matt said with a petty grin.

"Don't fucking say that Matt. Your my brother, of course I fucking care. And you can't leave me. You can't leave me and Nick" chris was actually crying out the words now "we won't let you"

Matt didn't want to look at him. He didn't want to see the pleased cries that came from Chris's mouth, because if anything was gonna make him stay, that would.

Just then, Nick came into the room, confused on why Chris was crying so hard. Chris explained through sobs the situation and Nick joined him in tears. He gave Matt the same "I need you" speech which was ultimately what steered Matt to try. Try to live. Even if it wasn't for himself. It was for his brothers.

It had been a bit of Chris and Nick telling Matt they wouldn't let anything happen to him before Matt assured them he wouldn't leave them.