The sky is so dim without you...

Your memory

Eventually Chuuya-san had realised that I wasn't getting better at all, but I still tied to hide it from him even though I knew, that he had already figured out what had been happening.

I sit in my office in the dark as I look through the little gab in between the blinds, I see a figure more in the corner of my eye and I fall of my chair,
"A...Akutagawa!" Chuuya yells as he rushes towards me to help me up.

"S...sorry I thought you where someone else..." I mumbled as he helps me up from the floor.
My body shaking as his hands brush down my coat.
"What is the matter Chuuya-san?" I says as I step back

He looks at me and back at the door
* sight *
"Dazai-kun and Kyouka-chan are here to see you"
He says as he turns to face the door
"Oh, did they say why?"
I mumbled back in response

Chuuya-san looks at me and sighs again
"You have been so caught up with everything you don't even remember" he says as he heads towards the door, I was confused for a moment, what did he mean?

I followed Chuuya-san to the place where Kyouka-chan and Dazai-san had been waiting for me,
The second Kyouka set her eyes on me she raced over to me and hugged me

"Happy birthday Ryu!" She say's hugging me but not tightly
I go into shock for a minute, how could I have forgotten it was my birthday.

Dazai-san looks at me and grins,
"Happy birthday kiddo" chuuya says as he places a hand on my shoulder.

"T..t." I stoped I couldn't get a word out my mouth
The only thing I wanted to do at that moment was cry, how could they still care for me I mean I am a total wreck, I couldn't even go a day without wishing it was me who had died and not atsushi.

I mean they all have so-
"Come on aku where gonna take you out to somewhere special" dazai-san interrupts my thoughts but I don't mide, it wouldn't of been a helpful thing in this situation.

"B..but I have a lot of w-work to do... mori will kill me" I stutter out having to catch my breath after every two words, breathing had become painful for me,even more painful than normal, it was like a sharp pain though my heart everytime I exhaled.

"It's fine, we've already talked to Mori about it" chuuya replied back in a slightly pissed tone
I could tell he was still annoyed over the fact that mori was still making me do all the heavy lifting jobs
But there was nothing much that we could do.

Eventually we arrived at a restaurant quite close to the agency, I hadn't ever been there before but it was somewhere I was planning to take atsushi...
My face slightly dimmed, though me and atsushi had never gone there it was in fact a place we both wished to take each other.

If I wasn't so careless-
"Ryu,you ok?" Chuuya-san says as he rests his hand on top of mine.
I go stunned for a moment or two
"Y...yes I- *sigh* I'm fine..." I mumbled from under my breath.

Kyouka-chan looks up at me and starts asking me questions, mainly about how thing where going in the mafia, but I couldn't tell her the truth not here not now, so I lied to her.

As me and Kyouka-chan continue to talk every now and then i glimpsed over at dazai-san to see a pissy look on his face, and every time I look it becomes worse and worse.

He hasn't looked at me that way since before Atsushi's death, I don't know what had changed in him for this day.

Later on after the meal we headed back to the agency dorms, koyoka has tarted shearing a dorm with kunikida-kun as atsushi was no longer able to look after her,so I offered to take her up to the dorm so chuuya-san and dazai-san could catch up with each other.

When I came back to them, it was only dazai-san left
I could see chuuya-san at in the car wighting but I could tell there was something off with dazai-san

"Dazai-san are you ok?" I mumbled
He sighed as he stood up and walked over to me,
He gave me a warm embrace.

"D... Dazai-san are you."
"I'm fine but..." he interrupted
"Akutagawa,how would you like to join the army detective agency?" He said as he holds my shoulders looking me in the eyes

I stay silent for a moment,
"I'm sorry dazai-san but I would have to decline that offer..." I mumbled under my breath

"Oh...why is that?" He says in a curious tone.
*sight*
"I..I can't step foot in that building knowing that he used to work there... anywhere he went has become a place to unbearable for me to visit, if I was to join the agency it would be torture, I hope you can understand" i says giving him a Saturn look

"I completely understand,I felt the same way after oda's death..." he mumbled
"But please do come and pay me and koyoka-chan a visit from time to time.." he says his voice now fills with sorrows.

I smiled and nodded before walking to the car chuuya was in, he smiled at me
"So are you joining...?" He mumbled
I looked at him and shock my head

"I..I cant" I mumbled,
He let out a sigh and looked at me
"If thats what you want, but promise you wont over work yourself?"  He says as he rests his hand on my shoulder, I smile at him
"I wont, be I should he telling you that" I laugh
I looks at me in his normally pissy face
"I SWEAR YOU ARE JUST LIKE DAZAI SOMETIMES!" He snaps

I start to laugh more as he yells at me and eventual he calms down and sighs,
"Ok, ima drop you off at your apartment" he says, I smile at him
"Thank you chuuya-san"