The Greatest Story Ever Told

Chapter 1: The Story

Once upon a time, time didn't exist at all, making everything in this story completely irrelevant.

Or did it? Yes it did. No it didn't. Yes it did. No it didn't. Yes it did. No it didn't. Yes it did.

"Indecisiveness!", said the Marshmallow Banana, right before getting nuked by a government merge between China and a graham cracker. The China-Graham Cracker then went on to buy out Disney because of their arrogance.

But instead of making movies, they sold car insurance, which made Geico jealous and made them decide to sue Disney-China-Graham Cracker. However, before the trial could happen, McDonald's sued Geico for having soap bars in their bathroom which vaguely resembled the negative color palette of McDonald's logo!

But before any of the trials could get under way, everyone died for no reason! Or did they? Yes they did. No they didn't. Yes they did. No they didn't.

"Who keeps doing this??", the Writer asked confusededly.

"MHUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!", said the Evil Disembodied Voice.

"This is your doing, isn't it??!", proclaimed the Writer.

"YES! It is I-- The Evil Disembodied Voice with Unspecified Powers!! Now, with my evil maliciousness...ness...I will rule the world!!!"

But alas, The Evil Disembodied Voice with Unspecified Powers burst into flames and died because of his cliché dialogue. Everyone was then revived because the plot required them to be.

Suddenly, Phoenix Wright showed up and instantly won all the stupid, elaborate court cases in his favor!! And that is because he is always Wright. And that pun was so terrible, it not only caused World War Sixty-Four to break out in a New York café known as "The Corndog", but it gave everyone on Earth the disease "Fifanven", the disease where the victim has a random urge to play Final Fantasy VII. But instead of trying to find a cure, everyone just sat around and complained about it over the internet (all while continually praising the game for its excellence).

Thankfully, Goku gathered the seven Dragon Balls to cure the disease and save the Earth!! Unfortunately, instead of summoning Shenron, the Dragon Balls summoned Batman, who punched everyone in the face and forced them to watch the entire Dark Knight trilogy. But when the sky started raining baskets of apples and Toyota went bankrupt, Han Solo quickscoped his job resumé and became a rich hobo.

Meanwhile in Japan, all Japanese citizens decided to be racial stereotypes and do nothing but eat ramen noodles and watch anime all day. That is, until they realized everyone in America already did that, so then they all gave up and decided to watch the extended Lord of the Rings trilogy, 2001 a Space Odyssey, Interstellar, the Sandlot, Top Gun: Maverick, and Saving Private Ryan all within a 2 hour window instead.

"And they all lived happily ever after", the Writer said unenthusiastically.

"Wait, I thought I was the narrator? I'm the one who's writing this!", said the Writer.

"I'm afraid this is my story now. It is I! The Evil Disembodied Voice with Unspecified Powers' step brother! Using my evil stuff and such, I will make your story suck!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"

The Writer laughed backwards, "I don't care how evil you are...this story sucks so bad not even you can make it worse!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!", the The Evil Disemblah blah blah who cares said fading away into space or whatever.

And thus concludes this epic, action-packed, witty, adventurous, fun, Pop-Tarts, suspenseful masterpiece which received many award and was very cool. And they all lived happily ever after, at least until the Writer gets bored and writes another.