that one stained shirt | mark lee

where love grows

We went to sleep around midnight.

Mark had showered, then cooked pork belly for dinner and we'd stayed on the couch, cuddled up, talking about anything that came to our minds. Everything felt much easier now, knowing that the invisible curtain we both had been hiding behind had fallen. I could tell what Sarah would say. Finally, girl! As long as you both love each other, there's nothing in your way. But we didn't love each other yet, did we?

Did I even know what love was? Did Mark know it?

I looked at his smiling face, noticing how cute he looked with sleepy eyes, and brushed the fallen hair off his forehead. We still have many things to figure out, I replied to Sarah in my head and smiled into the darkening living room.

Once the sun set down, Mark helped me get to bed. He laid me on top of the covers and waited till I made myself comfortable. Just as he was about to turn the lights off, I called his name again.

"Can you stay with me?" I pleaded, patting the spot next to me.

"Are you afraid of the dark?"

"No, but it'll heal my leg faster."

"Oh sure, doctor," Mark chuckled but slipped under the sheets on the empty half of the bed. "You're a needy little love," he whispered to my hair, and I snuggled against his chest. "Sleep tight, Jess."

"Good night, Mark," I mumbled and closed my eyes. His body was warm, smelled fresh of lemons and his breathing set a steady pace that matched my own. "And thank you."

☆

The next four mornings were nearly identical, with Mark waking up early to get to work and me taking painkillers to soothe the bruise healing. He always took a shower, then made sure I swallowed all my medicine, and at last gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead. If only you could stay, I thought every time I saw him close the door after himself.

While he was gone, I mostly just lay in bed and read or watched movies. Lunch would be either something extremely quick and easy or a takeout, so I wouldn't have to walk around too much. Mark wasn't too happy about it and insisted on cooking for me, but whenever he came back from work, he was too tired to actually do so.

"We can order something," I'd always suggest. "How about Japchae this time?"

"Sounds great," he'd breathe out and close his eyes while leaning against the couch. "But it's the last time. I swear."

"It's alright, superstar. Just enjoy someone taking care of you."

In this rhythm, the days went slowly and peacefully by, and I realized I was actually keen to get back on studying. A bit over a week remained until the finals and plenty of work laid on my table. On Sunday, I made a mental note to ask Mark to drop me home once he'd come from work.

I also called Sarah about her preparation and she just scoffed to the phone. "I'm surviving, Jess. Had my third coffee just now. Promise me that if we make it, we can drink it up with the boys again."

"Pinky promise," I smiled and gestured with my hand even though she couldn't see it. "I'll tell Mark to make it a tradition."

She laughed, but then something cut her off. "Give me a second," she said and walked from the phone. I heard rustling and muffled voices. For a moment they laughed, then Sarah shushed the other one and at the end, there was a high-pitched 'ouch', which only supported my theory. "Sorry, had to sort something out."

"Is Haechan okay?" I asked and tried hard to stifle a giggle.

"How do you always-"

"JESS COME AND SAVE ME!" erupted in the background and I burst out laughing. "I'VE BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE!"

"YOU BETTER SHUT UP IF YOU WANNA HAVE CHILDREN IN THE FUTURE!"

"SO THEY'D BE LIKE YOU? NO THANK YOU."

"WHO SAID I WANNA HAVE KIDS WITH YOU?"

"YOU, OBVIOUSLY. CALLING ME DADD-"

"YOU'VE GOT THREE SECONDS TO GET YOUR ASS HERE!"

"MAKE ME, SANGMI!"

Oh, you're a dead man now.

Sarah once again left the device and I heard stomping echoing on the other end. This time, she didn't bother quieting their argument, she just straight away shouted across the room. "I SWEAR DONGHYUCK, IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I'LL DESTROY THAT PRETTY FACE OF YOURS WITH WHATEVER I HAVE IN REACH!"

I knew Sarah wouldn't want to hear a word, but seeing them, or just hearing them, being so worked up for each other, using government names and constantly matching each other's energy was an evident act of affection. They would never admit it out loud, that was for sure, but deep inside I was so happy my troubles got them to meet each other. If I have ever seen two people destined to be together, it had been these two. And Mark would totally agree.

Either way, as much as I enjoyed being a witness to Haechan's torture, I decided to hang up. I'd talk to Sarah properly once the man was out of the house. Hopefully.

There was suddenly a deafening silence in the apartment. I looked out of the window in Mark's bedroom and sighed. It was a nice day with a cloudless sky, bright sunshine and a soft breeze. I saw people walking in groups or pairs, laughing, sharing ice creams and iced beverages, and a strange peace set in my heart.

For a long time, I felt distant and foreign to the city. Fulfilling a dream that had roots over the ocean and was never fully approved of. But now, when I had a great man next to me and my best friend finally found someone of her game, it was quite all that mattered. I found myself thinking about Johnny and somehow understanding his reasons.

I wasn't mad at him anymore. We've spent too much time rotting in emotions and grudges.

If we wanted to have a proper sibling bond, we'd have to work for it, of course. But I wouldn't even hesitate. Because after all Johnny was still my family, at this moment the only one I was able to physically reach. I wanted to share the good and the bad, wanted to know how he'd been and what he'd experienced. I wanted him to know that I was not going to hurt his best friend.

It was time for a new start. And Mark was just a way to make us realize.