Mistake

Chapter 51

Chris pov...

Ma and i are at Willow's for a few hours now. We are both worried... We are sitting in the kitchen when we hear a door... I stand up and walk to the bedroom. The bed is empty, the door to the bathroom closed and i can hear Willow shuffle around. Well at least she got out of bed, i think to myself. 

Ma had made her something to eat earlier but it was still sitting there on her nightstand untouched. She had not reacted towards ma when she brought it in... No matter what we tried she did not react to anything... I had sat by her side for an hour just talking to her... But it was like talking to a wall because she did not react to anything. The only plus was that she did not push me away. She let me run my hand through her hair as i talked to her... I had not dared to crawl into bed with her... I think that that would not be appreciated... So, i just sat on the floor next to the bed talking to her... Hoping and praying it would register and at some point, she would react. 

She had not spoken a word... She had just laid there... We were worried about her catatonic state... Especially because she did not seem to move... At all... She is not sleeping either, the only evidence of that was Willow blinking every now and then... Other than that, she was just lying there... Staring ahead. 

The door of the bathroom opened, and Willow walked out... I stopped her before she could get back in bed. I wrapped her in my arms. She didn't hug me back. She just froze. "Willow can you please talk to me..." I whisper not letting her go... "Please." I plead with her gently grabbing her chin between my fingers and making her look up at me... It hurts to see her like this. Her eyes are empty... They are glossed over...

"Willow please... You are scaring me..." I whisper but still nothing and i sigh... "At least eat something. For our little girl..." I say and i lead her to the bed. She sits down and i hand her the sandwich ma had made for her. I sit down next to her a little relieved that she takes a bite. 

"Willow..." I whisper and for the first time she makes a sound... "What?" Willow sighs and i look at her surprised that she speaks. "Please tell me how i can fix this?"  I say and she sighs again... She is silent for a second... "I dont think we can fix this. I think that we should focus on our little girl.  I think we should forget about us... It is not happening. I can't... I just can't... I can't life wondering when you will walk out next..." She says and it feels like a slap in my face. 

 "What no... I know i fucked up... But i will never walk out again..." I say and she turns and looks at me... She stares at me with those cold empty eyes... The sparkle is gone... "I got scared... I got excited about a future with you and our little girl and then you said no... It hurt... It freaked me out... And i should have listened... I acted childish by walking out... It won't happen again... I love you..." I say and she shakes her head and takes another bite of the sandwich. 

"I can't right now..." She says and stands up... I watch her as she puts the sandwich on the plate and sighs... "What are you going to do next time things dont go the way you want it... Are you going to walk away from our little girl to?" She asks me and i shake my head... "I will never..." I say and she sighs again... "I wish i could believe you..." She mumbles... 

"Willow....  I learned my lesson... Please i beg you... I will never just walk out again... Please give me another chance... I promise you i will be here... For you... For our little girl..." I whisper and she sighs... "I dont know if i can..." She whispers looking down a tear running down her cheek... 

"Please... I know i fucked up... But i can do better. I want to do better..." I sigh and take her hand in mine pulling her closer as i am scared... Her cold emotionless reactions scare me... She talks but it is like she is reading it from a ... "Chris... You walked out... Again... It hurt... I begged you to let me explain and you just left... I can't deal with this right now... I just need to focus on the baby... I can't deal with this..." Willow says her voice small, and she does not dare to look at me...

I stand up and cup her face. She does not protest but i can see the tears form in her eyes... It is weird... She talks to me. She does not pull away from me, but she does not hug me back. She does not show affection... I know she is hurt... I hate that i caused her hurt. I can see it in her eyes. She is in pain. I can see her mind racing as she is fighting her feelings.  "I know you dont mean that... I know that that is not what you want..." I say and she bites her lip a tear running down her cheek... "Of course, it is not what i want Chris... But sometimes what you want and what is good for you are two different things...I need to protect myself... I can't keep doing this... It will break me... I am no good to our little girl broken... So please... Please let it go... Let's figure out a way to be the best parents we can be to our little girl... We at least owe her that..." Willow says.