𝑷𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑬 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 (𝟏𝟖+)

𝟏. 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

Edited

𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐇 𝐌𝐂𝐂𝐎𝐘

13 years ago...

THE COUNTRY SIDE was not a place I was expecting us to move to, having lived in the cities my entire life.

"Come on, baby, better start unpacking. Don't wanna be up all night," Mama chuckled, ruffling my hair.

I huffed as I eyed the tall house before grabbing some boxes filled with my clothes and bringing them up to my supposedly "new room".

I miss New York.

After my father died, Mama thought it would be a good idea to have a do-over with our lives, to start off fresh. I'm not really opposed with the idea but its worth a try, I guess.

New city, new house, new people. I guess I could get accustomed to this new forced life. I lay in my bed, staring up at the blank ceiling. My mind thinking of happy moments with my father before he died.

"Sariah, dinner's ready!"  I jumped from my bed and skipped down the steps.

"I made your favorite, Chicken Alfredo with some garlic bread,"

My mouth watered as Mama placed a bowl in front of me, all the meat and noodles covered in sauce glistening in the light.

"Enjoy, baby," Mama smiled, placing a kiss on my cheek, raising a quiet hum out of me.

"How do you feel about the house, better than our old one?" I shrugged, shoving food in my mouth.

"Come on, baby, talk to me."

I kept quiet, chewing slowly, starting to feel bad. I wasn't much of a talker, but after the death of my father, I completely shut down, shutting everybody out, including my mother.

I want to talk to her, but it's hard. My throat blocks up, my mouth goes dry. It's like my body is restricting me from doing so.

Me and my mama sat in silence, the only thing being heard around the dining table is glasses clacking and the cars driving by our house.

"You done brushing your teeth, baby?" Mama asked, peeking her head into the bathroom.

I nodded as I finished buttoning up my pajamas, turning off the light and closing the door as I made my way out.

"Tomorrow we can put those glow-in-the-dark stars you love so much up, if you want," I smiled as I nodded my head, climbing into bed.

"Tomorrow's gonna be your first day of 3rd grade, you ready?" I shrugged, fidgeting with my fingers.

"Sariah baby, I know how you feel. I miss him too, I do. But that doesn't mean close me out. I want to help you, baby, but I can't if you shut me out," she paused, moving my hair to the side. "Please Sariah, don't shut me out."

Tears brimmed my eyes a bit, hearing her plead. I want to, but I can't.

I gave her a tight-lipped smile, avoiding eye contact. She sighed before placing a kiss on my cheek and turning my light off.

Her black silhouette moved to the door, she turned around with her hand on the doorknob.

"Night baby, I love you."

—

It happened again.

The nightmares, they're back.

Just much worse.

I lay in bed, the sunlight showing through my curtains indicating it's morning.

I stared at my plain white ceiling, tracing the little paint drops covering its every corner with my eyes, the alarm clock on my bedside reading 6:48 am.