Sher Khul Gaye

PROLOGUE

" Papa, what do you mean?!" I said as I followed him thru the kitchen where normally food was cooked but this fine day my father decided he was tired of my singleness. " I thought hum ne decide kiya tha ke no arrange marriage? " ( I thought we decided on no arrange marriage ) I said as he ordered one of the servants for tea.

He sat down with the end of his kurta flying behind him. In confusion I sat on the couch opposite of him.

I had heard the conversation between my parents regarding my marriage. I am 21. An age where you enjoy college life and the first years of adulthood. Exactly my parent's words when I turned 19. Why this behavior then?

" Papa? " I said, impatience lacing my voice. He continued to read his news paper like I was never there. I waited and worked on forcing my tears back inside my eyes.

Relax, papa would never do such thing

I repeated these words in my head until my hands stopped shaking and I could see my dad receiving his tea.

I sighed and sat back. Fixing my dubata. I remained silent and tried my best to not torture my nails even more then they already are.

When papa was done with his chai he put the cup on the table. Just as he sat back on the couch, I came up to ask him the question that's been bothering me from the very second I heard those words.

" Meri shadi karwara ho?" ( Are you getting me married? ) I asked with impatience and the most formal words I could form in my stressed state.

Father looked at me with an unfamiliar look in his eyes. His lips were shut in a tight line. His eyes boring into mine. His eyebrows creating a shadow on his eyelids. His body stiff. He was expressionless.

He sighed, folded his newspaper and put his hands together. With bored eyes he looked at me.

" Papa? " I urged and he hummed

" Idhar ao beta( come here, dear ) He nodded and looked at me. He leaned back and patted the place next to him.

I stood up with question filled eyes and sat down next to him. Fixing my kameez, I waited for him to speak up. When there was no sign of him explaining. He seemed to be lost. So I made it easier for him to answer.

" Ap ne ka mummy ko, ke bus yehi ek rasta he? Meri shadi he bus ek rasta he?"( You said to mum that this is the only way. My marriage is the only way?) I asked papa. His eyes were quick to find me. His look was stern.

" Sahi suna " ( you heard right ) he let out and looked straight ahead. He exhaled loudly and turned to me.

" Beta, berda pyar se tuhje pala he " ( with a lot of love, we raised you ) he said. " Teri zarurat he abhi " ( you're my need right now ) he said with eyes that I could not recognize.

" Itni kia zarurat padr gayi ke shadi karwane ki soch raha ho?!" ( What happened that you're thinking about my marriage?! ) I asked.

" You're my only option, Y/n " he says with desperate eyes.

" You're joking, papa. Ap he ek asa banda ho jis ne mujhe hamasha support kiya he. Ab ap upni lauti beti ke arrange marriage, without her consent, Kawara ho? " ( You're joking, papa. You're the only man who always supported me. Now you're arranging a marriage for your only daughter without her consent?). I said a little calmly as tears made their way in my eyes. What father said made no sense. The thought of spending your life with a person you were forced to love makes my heart ache.

Papa made promises only to break them?

" Y/n, mujhe be utna he durd ho raha he jetna tujhe hora he. I did not forget my promises, beta" ( Y/n I feel just as much pain as you do ). He said with helpless eyes.

" Phir ye ku? " ( Then why this? ) I asked with desperation written all over my face.

Papa poured some water in a glass that always sits on the table of our living room and handed it to me.

" Relax kar and have some faith in me, yes? " He said as I sipped the water. I hummed for him to begin.

" Rome Tomlinson. Mera business partner. He's an old man now. Wo retire karna chata he. His son will take his place. Per unki family me ye rule he. Ke the person has to be married to be considered mature. For some reason, he can't find the perfect one. So I offered them a marriage proposal. " He side-eyed me. " Y/n, we're in deep shit right now. You know, me educated nehi hu. Just a little longer without the two of them this company will be over. " He said convincingly. I had trouble seeing him bcos of the tears that dared to escape the safety of my eyes.

" Lardka toh pyara he. He's from a family hum bhot dyar se jaante he. He's handsome. He's rich, hume toh pasand he. " ( The guy is pretty, he's from a family we've known for a long time, he's handsome, he's rich, we like him. ) He described him.

" Mujhe pucho ge?!! " ( Will you ask me?!!) I exclaimed. " Papa, ek bar mujhe toh puch lo!"( Papa, will ask me even once? ) I said in anger and disappointment.

Father looked at me in pure shock. He had never seen me in such rage. Sure, I'm an outgoing person, I love joking around and being sarcastic. But I'm respectful. Especially towards family and elders. That's what my dad raised me to be. But that same father is doing something that is completely unlike him. It's human nature to be frustrated. Today, I am letting it out.

" Rishta toh final he. Ab tu understand nehi kerahi toh usme humari galti nehi he "( it's final, now if you're not understanding then it's not our fault ). He said seriously. Then he sighed and rubbed my head. He patted my shoulder.

" I'm sorry " he said. He stood up then and walked to the front lawn. Seconds later I smelled the bitter smell of weed.

Frustrated I stood up and made my way to my room. As I was about to move on the first step of the carpeted staircase. I caught my mum looking at me. I loved my parents to shreds. But this was beyond unfair. Father is making the biggest decisions of my life without asking me once. And mummy is just letting it happen. If she had stepped in and taken my side, father would have listened. He could never deny mummy.

I was filled with indignation. Before I either broke out crying or screaming I ran to my room.

Entering the room that has been mine since I was 5 only made me sadder. I was betrayed, lied to, manipulated. They stole my trust away. They broke it and took everything away.

What sane person loves their child, gives them everything they want and need. Being so nice that the child trusts you blindly. Made promises that seemed so genuine. Only to knock it all down.

I sat on my bed. The fairy lights that hung on the walls creating a calming and tender vibe.

I wish these soft sheets would turn out to be a black hole that would make time freeze and make me disappear. As I laid on my bed, for the umpteenth time this seemed like a nightmare. Having trust in someone being broken in a matter of seconds while it was being planned behind your back is cruel. The biggest thing in life is finding a partner, creating family with that person and raising those same small kids with that person. That person you choose to live life with should entirely be your choice.

The idea of arranged marriage is crucial and abominable. It makes me jump out of bed, straight out of the window and to the men who had the great idea to create arrange marriages. Just like always anger, frustration, exasperation, disbelief, and betrayal all came out in one form, tears. Hot tears ran down my cold face as I curled in myself.

Doing everything right, playing by the rules in both my parent's house and also with God. Every mistake I did, I fixed it to not further hurt God. Always praying to Him to give me a good and loving husband. The one who respects and honors, the one who knows equality and doesn't think of himself as some king. I prayed, I don't quite see the answers.

I don't mean that all men that are in arrange marriages cruel, abusive, and insincere. But most of them are. Most arrange marriages are fake, in a sense that they act like everything in their marriage is perfect when in reality it's always toxic, abusive, and not a loving marriage.

Love is something that forms inside you. You can never learn to love.