I'm sorry (Spencer Reid x reader)

11. Past

You were laying in the slightly uncomfortable hotel bed. The room was not the best, didn't smell so good, small old bathroom, small uncomfortable bed, flickering lights, buzzing from something. But it was at least better then almost getting killed by the person who was supposed to love you.

You had been laying there trying to sleep for at least three hours straight when the door was pushed open. You jumped out of bed and grabbed the first thing you could find for protection, a picture frame.

In came the one person you least wanted to see, Andrew.

"Get the hell out!" You yelled at him holding the picture frame in front of you. You wish you had thought of something better to have as protection like a knife or something but now you had to use what you had.

"You thought you could run away from me you little brat!" He walked up to you. The stupid picture frame had no use, he threw it away.

Before you could even react he hit you in the head with something very hard making you fall unconscious to the ground.

Great.
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"Y/N? You can talk to me" Spencer reassured and put a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"I know... I know" You sat down on the bed and he followed an sat down next to you keeping his hand still on your shoulder.

"You wanna talk about it? I won't tell Hotch if you don't want me to, if he needs to know about it I will help you tell him, that's a promise" He looked concerned.

You look away for a second before looking down. Your fingers were fidgeting with each other. He notices and removed the hand on your shoulder to put it on top of your fidgeting hands. His hand was huge, covering both your hands. His veins stuck up. You couldn't help but fluster a little, it was something about his hands.

You sighed before speaking. "Andrew and I were in a really you know... toxic relationship" you continued to look down at your hands. They had stopped fidgeting when his warm hand landed on top of yours.

"What do you mean exactly by 'toxic relationship'?" He asked sounding concerned. His veiny thumb caress the top of your hands making you almost loose focus on the topic, a part of you miss that time that hand was inside of you.

"Let me just tell you everything, if you really want to know" you looked to the side still avoiding eye contact since you knew if you looked at him you would fall apart, and if you kept looking at that big hand you'd fully loose focus and god knows what stupid shit you would do.

"Okay, take your time sweetheart" he responded. He instantly regretted calling you 'sweetheart', scared for how you'd react, especially after everything.

Sweetheart? Did he just call you sweetheart?! You felt your face burning red, thank god the lights were off. Hearing him call you 'sweetheart' was so comforting in the weirdest way, it felt natural.

"Two years ago Andrew saw me sitting on a park bench waiting for my friend. He found me 'very beautiful', his words not mine. He walked up to me and started talking to me. Long story short, I canceled with my friend and spent the rest of my day with him, worst decision ever.
We began dating just a week later and it all felt like a dream come true. A little more then half a year later I moved in with him. That's when he became angry almost all the time, he stopped me from seeing my family and friends until I fully lost contact with them.
His house became like a prison. He had a tracker on my phone and always had some kind of vision over me.
Only a month later it became more physical. He began hitting me, pushing me. At first it was only a few times a month but it became more frequent. Sometimes he even tried to fucking kill me. It went on for so long that I started to wish that he actually did go to far and kill me.
A little more then a year later, after a incident where I almost died, I woke up from being unconscious. I saw the car keys and decided to run away. He must've heard the car cause once I was about to drive away he came out running. I managed to get to a hotel and thought I had finally escaped him but I was wrong."

Your voice started to break at the last sentence, you had never talked about this to anyone. "I'm sorry" you apologized when you felt yourself tear up.

He sat closer to you and wrapped you into a warm embrace. A tear fell down your cheek but you didn't wanna break down just yet, not in front of him. Showing emotions was something you hated, you hated opening up. You only opened up now because it was only fair for him to know and you had to tell him sooner or later.

A few moments later you pulled away from the hug but still sat close to him, his aura was so comforting.

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to, this cannot have been easy, your really strong Y/N. I know you probably think showing emotions and opening up makes you seem weak but it honestly makes you stronger because it shows that you are able to talk about trauma which is very difficult, I'm proud of you Y/N" His words hit deep, I'm proud of you.

You couldn't respond, no matter how much you wanted to say something to him you couldn't. It felt like there was a wall built up with tears that would break if you tried. You knew you could cry in front of him but the mindset that Andrew had manipulated you to have made you feel stupid for crying.

He understood that you couldn't talk, he knew that was gonna happen. He pulled you into a hug again, comforting you with his warm embrace. He didn't want to push you into talking anymore.

A long time later the time was after 1 AM. He had asked if he could sleep in your bed tonight and you agreed, you could use his comfort tonight after everything.

It was too late anyway for Spencer to go back to his room he shared with Morgan, Morgan probably thought Spencer was getting some 'love' and Spencer was really not in the mood to argue with Morgan about that. He also knew you needed his comfort tonight.

They were laying next to each other in bed, cuddling. Spencer held you around your waist with one arm and the other he stroked your hair with his hand to comfort you. Before you fell asleep he told you something.

"I'm sorry that all that happened to you, you didn't deserve that at all, I hope you know that" You could hear how genuine his tone was.

You didn't respond, you laid there in his embrace thinking about what he said,

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
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I'm so bad at writing sad stuff like this, like when they open up but I hope it's not to bad LMAO! Hope you like it<33