Finding a New Normal

Better days a head

"Hi sweetheart. How're you feeling," said a familiar voice as Belle woke up from her sedation. 

"Sore," she replied to her mom who was sitting in the chair next to her bed. "But my hearts not pounding anymore," she added. 

Taylor smiled though she looked like she'd been crying a few minutes ago, Belle wasn't too sure why. "You're back in sinus rhythm, thankfully. The nurses also gave you a shot of morphine so it should hopefully kick in soon." 

Belle sighed, "when can we go home?" She asked 

"The doctor wants to keep you over night, since it's your first time being cardioverted." Taylor replied sympathetically. "I'm sorry baby." 

"It's not your fault," Belle shrugged. "Whys that cart here?" asked Belle

"That's called a crash cart," said Taylor. "In case your heart stops again," Taylor's voice broke.

"Im sorry mom, I didn't mean to upset you said Belle," as Taylor wiped a tear rogue tear from her cheek. 

"No it's okay. I'm okay baby, don't worry about me." She said pulling herself together. "It's late though you should try and get some sleep." 

Belle knew her mom wouldn't be willing to talk about how she was feeling so she decided it'd be best to try and close her eyes. 

"I love you mom."

"I love you too sweetheart."

.

"I'm going to have you stay with your grandma for the British music awards," Taylor told Belle nervously a few hours after she'd been released from the hospital. Unfortunately Taylor was scheduled to perform in five days and it was too last minute to cancel this time.

"Why can't I come with you?" 

"Because you've been to the hospital twice in the last two months and the doctor wants you to rest." 

"Well then I can just stay home alone, I'm old enough."

"B, this is not an old enough thing this is a your heart could literally stop beating thing. So you are going to go to your grandmother's house and she is going to look after you because that's what needs to happen." 

At this point you knew there Belle knew there was no more arguing from the tone in Taylor's voice. Her mom wasn't strict about many things but when it came to her daughter's health and safety she was practically a drill Sargent. 

"Listen, seeing you go into cardiac arrest scared me so much. Im going  to do whatever I can to prevent that from ever happening again. Once we have this whole situation figured out I'll start letting you stay home alone but not until then, okay?" 

Belle nodded but still felt frustrated, she just wanted to feel like everyone else. No one her age was dealing with heart disease. No one her age was on more heart medications than most senior citizens. It was all just so unfair. 

.

And now Taylor had just dropped Belle off at Andrea's house and said goodbye before leaving for the airport. If Belle was staying with her grandmother and she didn't have school they'd normally do a bunch of fun things together but Taylor was very clear on her instructions to both Belle and Andrea that she wanted her daughter to rest while she was gone. So Belle spent most of the day doing what she felt like the only thing she'd been doing lately, watching TV.

When it was lunch time Belle took the pills that she was supposed to, and then Andrea reminded her that Taylor wanted her to try and take a nap. So Andrea led her granddaughter up to Taylor's old room to took her in. They had offered to let Belle decorate one of the spare bedrooms as her own but she preferred the comfort of her mom's room when she was there.