Left Alone | Marksana x Taemina

Chapter 4

I ran away from hell the moment I could. I wasn't even hurt anymore. I had expected it, and worst of all, a part of me said I deserved it.

There are people dying out there, and yet I'm still acting like a child. I was at my lowest; all alone, battling my inner demons and fighting my endless thoughts to no avail. Ughh. Stupid brain. Can't you think right for once? I wanted to reach into my skull and yank out my brain and grab my heart too just in case. I wanted to be free from the pain of love and betrayal of those I loved and thought loved me too.

I took out a piece of paper and an old dusty pen and began to write. I didn't know what I was writing. I just needed to clear my head and sort out my thoughts for once. Just writing down all of my feelings. My feeling for him. My thought jumble turned into a love letter- how ironic Sana.

I decided to confess to him. He would probably find out soon enough from his dearest beloved Mina anyways. What did I have to lose? My pride? Ha.

I didn't realise how many hours had passed as I sat hunched over this tiny piece of paper. I didn't care if my tears blotted the page or smudged the ink. I just wanted to get it done and show him. Maybe to change his mind? Maybe if I tell him I love him, he'll love me back? Ughh. I'm being really stupid. He has Mina he doesn't need you bitch.

I sucked back my tears and wore a simple hoodie as I walked towards the road. Of course I wore my hat and mask too so that I wouldn't be recognised.

As I made my way to the BTS dorm, thoughts still invaded my head. What if what Mina said was right? What if I was just fabricating all of my feelings in my head because I was blinded by jealousy? Am I really a slut, a boyfriend stealer? Was it even a good idea coming here to confess?

But now it was far to late. I was walking over to their dorm with the letter clutched in my hand. I would be there soon. I might even see him there soon too.

10 minutes later

I held my fist against the door, ready to knock and confess to my love. To Tae.

breathe in.. breathe out..

"Tae I think Mina's here for you!"
"K, coming!" I heard in the distance.

breath in.. breathe out..

Footsteps were rapidly coming closer to me and speeding up, and so was my heartbeat. I felt like my heart had been struck by lighting and it still had not sizzled to a stop.

"Minarii jagi! I missed y-" he was cut short when he saw me. Me not Mina. Not his jagi. I felt my heart break again, I had already been through so much but hearing those words from him set my heart on fire again.

"Oh hi Sana-ssi, what brings you here?"

I swear I felt a connection between us when I finally looked up and met his eyes. Something came over me that I could not control, could not explain. Something called love.

I tugged on his shirt and swept him into an awkward but tight hug. I cupped his face with one hand, the other behind his nape. I closed my eyes and lent in to capture his plump lips. The lips I had dreamt of so many times in my dreams. They were soft and tasted just like candy. Just like satang. Perfect for me.

I was so lost in the moment that I didn't register the fact that he had already pushed me away and slammed the door.

I stumbled backwards still in a daze.

As if on cue the heavens started to rain on me. Perhaps pity or disappointment. I slid the letter beneath the door before I had a chance to do anything even more stupid.

I ran home with my heart still beating and with the taste of his lips still tainted on my tongue.

I had done something terrible. I had kissed tae- my best friends boyfriend. If I had any chance of the members forgiving me, it had all just disappeared.

Mina was right. I'm just an attention seeking slut that wants to break everyone up and steal their happiness from their lives.

I ran to my room and locked the door before anyone could come and scream at me again. Before I could scream and punish myself more. I'm such a bitch. I deserve their harsh words. I deserve the pain. But still I wanted someone to take it away, please. I'm drowning.

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Authors's Note
I don't even know what's happening with the plot it's all just a mess but I hope you like it anyways :)