❝ trust them. I tell myself. they'll help you.❞
╰┈➤ on march 3, 1969 the united states navy established an elite school for the top one percent of its pilots.
its purpose was to teach the lost art of aerial combat and to ensure that the handful of m...
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i quickly gulp down my drink before leaving it in the sink. i reach back into my pocket and pull out bolt's tags. it's my fault he died. i shouldn't have frozen up. i should have listened to axis and kept flying. i place them around my neck listening to the sound of them hitting the metal of my own dog tags, ringing in my ears. i was cleared of blame but i shouldn't have been. it's my fault. how his family can forgive me is a complete mystery. i don't know if i could if i was them. sighing i slope off into my bedroom, it's bare and the walls are plain white, i figured i'd make it my own some other day, maybe when i have an afternoon off or something. i have a few pictures and posters i could put up that would look nice. and a photo of axis,bolt,sparrow and i. i don't think putting that one up is a good idea, i'll probably burst into my tears every time i even glance at it. i quickly undress placing my clothes in one heap on the floor before quickly putting my night clothes on. i'll deal with the mess tomorrow. - 3 days later "tell me what's going on siren, i beg you, i can help" axis says as we sit at our dining room table eating breakfast. i don't reply, not even bothering to look up at her.
just stare into your cereal. pretend not to hear her.
"siren please, i just want to help" she begs again trying to read my face.
i can't let her help. what if she tells an admiral? then i'll be demoted from a pilot because of my ptsd and i worked so hard to get to where i am.
siren cups my cheeks and forces me to look up at her. her blue eyes are filled with worry and concern. "quinn, you're scaring me" she says.
oh god not my real name.
i shake my head and i ignore her, it hurts too. i know she just wants to help. it's been a tough few days, same old same old. get up, get dressed, go to top gun, go back home. not to mention how awkward it was with maverick and goose after the whole crying at the club fiasco. well awkward for me at least, they seemed very lively and chatty.
"siren, please just answer me, tell me what's wrong i can help" axis says
"i..i just can't it's not that easy" i say biting my bottom lip anxiously
"you don't have to tell me all of it, just a little part" axis says as she grabs my hand
"it's bolt" i say feeling tears well up in my eyes.
axis notices this instantly and pulls me into her shoulder.
"it's okay, you can cry just let it all out" axis says holding me tight.
and with that i burst into floods or tears, crying hard into her shoulder making her uniform have a giant wet patch. axis softly strokes my back and smooths out my hair, just letting me get it all out of my system.
"i just wish he was.. here" i say in between sobs
"i know, me too." axis says before she grabs a tissue and lifts my face up "here"
"thank you" i sob before taking it and using it to dry my eyes and wipe my nose.
"just speak to me any time siren, please don't bottle up your emotions" axis says
"i'm just scared" i say, trying to open up just a little bit.
"of what?" she questions
"that i won't be able to fly anymore if i tell anyone" i say before letting out a loud hiccup
oh great, here come obligatory the hiccuping fit after a good long cry.
axis casually ignores the hiccup "are you worried about me telling an admiral?"
"mhm" i say before hiccuping again
"i won't, only if it escalates to a point where i think you really are a danger to yourself and everyone around you, but now that you've told me, we can try and help you, get you better" axis says
"okay" i whisper
"and maverick and goose are worried as well, they keep asking questions in secret when you are not there" axis says "really?" i ask shocked that they would even care that much. after all we only just met them a few days ago.
"really. you may not think it but people do care, we are worried about you. hell i've been worried sick hearing you wake up in the night from the nightmares you get" axis says
"oh" i reply with a hiccup
axis sighs "hold your breath and gulp three times, makes them go away"
i give a small measly laugh before doing what she says and luckily the hiccups disappear.
"come on let's get you dressed because unfortunately as much as i'd love to sit in the house and watch a bunch of movies, eat ice cream, do our hair and makeup and nails, we have an elite fighter pilot school to get too" she says helping me up.
i reluctantly nod before sloping off into my room shutting the door behind me. i walk over to my wardrobe and grab my flight suit out of it before walking over the the mirror, taking off my night clothes and staring at myself. my hair is limp, my eyes have huge dark circles underneath them and i stare at the long scar i acquired from the crash that runs from the left side of my rib cage to my right shoulder. nobody can love me looking like this. i sigh in utter defeat as i grab a plain bra and underwear and quickly put them on, roll on my deodorant and yank my flight suit over my head. i go through my robotic motions of my daily routine finally ending it with walking over to my pillow. lifting it up and grabbing bolts dog tags, putting them around my neck and listening to them clang against my own. it helps me feel connected to him, even in death. sometimes i feel silly about grieving for him so much. we weren't dating, we had no romantic feelings for each other and we didn't want too but i feel like i grieve way to hard, all though i've never lost a friend other than him. i'm naïve.
i step outside of my room and see axis waiting for me, she gives me a soft, warm smiling before saying "come on let's go". the only good part about today is the fact i get to see maverick and his unfairly handsome face.
