OHF/LHF/AHF FANFICS FROM AO3

I Want To Hold Your Hand

by : misura on AO3

"We’re not going to make it. Are we?” Ben hadn’t mean to say it out loud. He’d thought it, and he’d known that Mike probably thought it too, and he’d figured that was enough: they didn’t need to have an actual conversation about the fact that they were pretty much fucked.

They might need to have an actual conversation about Mike maybe being able to make it out on his own.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Mike said. “You quitting on me? Having a bit of a nervous breakdown? Because I appreciate that you’re under a lot of pressure right now, Mr President, sir, but I need you to keep it together, all right? You need a breather, we can take a breather. You need to have a lie down, you do it when we’re back home.”

“Mike.” Ben liked it when Mike called him ‘Mr President’. To be fair, he liked it no matter who called him that, but with Mike, it was different. Special.

Definitely yet another thought he’d better keep to himself.

“We made it this far, haven’t we?” Mike said. Mike looked sweaty, and he was breathing a bit harder than usual, but Ben knew that if he had to, Mike would be able to run a marathon right now. “We’re still alive. Those bastards have thrown everything they’ve got at us, and we’re still here. What does that tell you?”

It tells me we got lucky. Ben didn’t feel very lucky right now. A lot of good men and women had lost their lives today – for him.

He didn’t want Mike to be next. He knew what Mike would think of that, but there it was. Ben was tired of losing people, of being helpless to do anything about it. He hadn’t become President to stand by doing nothing while people got gunned down like animals.

“You’ve kept us safe so far,” he said. “You’re – I feel blessed to have someone like you protecting me. Keeping me safe.”

Mike scowled. “Just doing my job, Ben. So you want to explain to me how all of a sudden, I’m not fucking good enough anymore?”

“I never said that. If anything, it’s the opposite.” Ben sighed. A lie down did sound nice, now that Mike had mentioned it. Too bad he wasn’t going to get a chance at having one any time soon. “Face it, I’m slowing us down. If it was just you by yourself, you’d be out of here already.”

It would help that they weren’t looking for Mike specifically. Mike was no one to them.

Ben was the one they wanted, the one they were looking for. The one they would kill Mike to get to, would have to kill Mike to get to, because Mike would die before letting them take Ben, and while most of the time, Ben found that a great comfort, right here and now, he knew that he had to do something about that.

“I know you’ve been thinking about quitting,” Ben went on. “I know you didn’t want to come on this trip. I don’t want your kid to grow up without a dad, Mike. Not if there’s something I can do to stop that from happening.”

“If you feel up to it, I think it’s about time we got a move on. Not a good idea to stay in one place too long,” Mike said.

“Mike. We’re going to have to talk about this.”

Mike’s expression suggested he disagreed. “I’ll knock you unconscious and carry you, if I have to.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Ben said. “What I’m saying is, you don’t have to. It’s all right to – to admit that some things simply can’t be done. You’re the best agent, the best friend anyone could ask for, but you’re only human, Mike.”

Mike’s expression suggested he disagreed with that too. Ben supposed that was fair enough, considering.

“Nobody has a right to expect you to do the impossible,” he said. “The way I did when you – when I blamed you for not saving my wife. You told me to let her go, and I did. Because if I hadn’t, it wouldn’t have changed a damn thing, other than that I’d have been dead too. You understand what I’m telling you, right? Sometimes, there’s nothing anyone can do, and all you can do is accept it. All you can do is let go.”

Mike finished inspecting his gun. “You done?”

“Yeah,” Ben said. He felt very tired. He tried to tell himself that dying would be a relief. He remembered the way Ruth had looked in the bunker, when she hadn’t wanted to give up her security code. He wanted to believe that he’d look like that too, if the worst happened. “I’m done.”

“Good. Now, you fucking listen to me. I’ve gotten us this far, and I’m going to get us out. You know why?”

Ben closed his eyes. He should have known this wasn’t going to work. “Tell me.” Part of him felt actually relieved. Very likely, he was going to die, but at least Mike would be with him, right there by his side until the very end. And Mike would make sure that it was quick, that Ben wouldn’t be tortured or used as a hostage.

“Because my job is protecting you, and I’m really fucking good at it, all right? In fact, not to brag, but I’m pretty sure that I’m the fucking best.”

“No argument here,” Ben said.

“So shut your fucking mouth about giving up or staying behind, because it’s not going to happen. Not on my watch. We’re getting out of here and we’re going to make these fuckers pay for what they did. Probably also work on your stamina a bit more while we’re at it. Maybe some shooting lessons, if you’re feeling frisky. How’s that sound, eh?”

Like a very nice fantasy. “Like maybe you should reconsider a career as a motivational speaker.”

Mike chuckled and pulled him upright. Ben allowed himself to lean against Mike, just for a little while.

“Mike,” he said, even though he knew he shouldn’t. Ben’d said his piece and Mike had said his, and that was that. “Thanks.”

Mike’s arms tightened around him. “Any time. Now, you ready to get a move on?”

Can’t we stay like this a little longer? Ben wanted to ask, but instead he nodded and stepped back, and told himself that if anyone could get them out of here, it would be Mike.