THE WAY WE WERE

CHAPTER 35: THE LONG GOODBYE

The nurse unhooked Tom's IV, and said he was ready to go. I said, "Tom, I need to use the restroom, then we can go.  Doug is going to drive us."  I gave Tom a hug and kiss and left.

I went into the lady's bathroom and sat against the wall crying. I have tried to not cry in front of Tom. He needs me to be strong, to be positive, to have faith that he will wake up, but the risk of him not waking up at all, terrifies me, and then what, after the surgery and remember me and the babies.  But I'm terrified that he won't. 

If that happens, I don't know. I will lose him for sure probably. Because I don't think I could get him to fall in love with me a third time.

Judy followed me in.  She sat on the floor and took my hand.  I put my head on her shoulder and cried.

I said, "Judy I'm scared. Tom needs me to be strong, but I'm so damn scared."

After a little bit, I washed my face, and then went into Tom's room.

He said, "hey baby."  I went and hugged him. Trying not to cry.

Tom said, "I'm so sorry Lexie."

I said, "no it's not your fault."  I kissed him.

I said, "Are you ready to go home, see the babies?"

Tom said, "yes."  He was trying to hold back tears.  I hugged him.  The nurse came and wheeled him out, and Doug and Judy pulled up and Tom and I got in the backseat.

Tom had his arm around me, and I put my head on his shoulder.  There was silence in the car except for the radio.  

We got home. Tom's mom had gone home an hour ago. To see if the guys needed her to take over with the babies.

Tom and I walked inside, and Thomas started walking over to us, with his arms held out.  I broke down crying. I put my head on Tom's back. I said, "I'm sorry. I'm trying to not cry."

Tom was crying to as he picked up Thomas.  He said, "It's okay. I know you're scared."

I said, "Tom come sit down in the recliner."

He brought Thomas.  When Tom sat down, Alyssa was crying holding out her hands to him.  I said, 'I know baby girl you want your daddy."  I picked her up from Dennis and took her to Tom. Giving her kisses, then putting her in Tom's lap.

Tom's mom recorded video, and so did Judy.  I sat by Tom and the babies.

Alyssa needed a diaper change, so I took her.

Thomas fell asleep, so Margaret said she would put him in his crib.

Judy came with me, and Doug, Harry, and Dennis were on the couch.

Dennis said, "Hey Hanson I just wanted you to know I'm really sorry you are going through this."

Tom said, "Thanks. Also, thanks for helping when I had that seizure."

Dennis said, "sure. Just hang in there Hanson."

Harry said, "Tom I'm sorry. But Booker is right. Just have faith and hang in there."

Tom said, "I'm so f---- scared. I've never been more scared in my life."

Dennis said, "I'm sure. I know I would be."

Tom said, "I'm scared of not waking up, but even more scared to wake up, and be in darkness again, not know Lexie. I can't lose her. I love her so much. She's my entire world. Her and the babies. What if I forget?"

Doug said, "don't worry about that right now."

Tom said, "Booker, Penhall, Ioki, I need you to all promise me, you won't let me hurt Lexie, If this happens again, I don't care what you have to do to me. Booker, you have permission to knock me out. Put me in a strait jacket. Just don't let me hurt Lexie.  I am going to make a video and I want you to play it for me over and over, until I get how much I love her and need her. Promise me."