Red vs Blue (Season Three) | A Courier Guy (Male Oc) (HIATUS)

(Eps 9) It's a Biological Fact

Fade in on the Boys and Tex outside O'malley's base near the warthog.

Tex: What took you guys so long to get here?

Simmons: There's eight of us, and this is only a three-seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap.

Ren: Actually, it's not even half. Do you even know math?

Donut: It was a great road trip. My favourite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-

Grif: Hugh, please, let's not tell the story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?

Sarge: What'd you find, Tex?

Tex: Well, O'Malley's holed up in his fortress. He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now, and he's got some help, one of those religious nuts you guys picked up.

Caboose: Oh, I like them. They were funny.

Tucker: Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag.

Caboose: I try not to remember the bad things about people.

Spectator: Aw, that's nice, but you still need to be careful.

Tucker: Yeah, Caboose. That's all they tried to do. There were no good things.

Caboose: That's okay. I have a really bad memory-wow look, a beach!

Sarge: Shut up Caboose. What's yer plan, Tex?

As Tex explains her plan, we see a majestic, panoramic view of O'Malley's base.

Tex: Well first we have to breach the outer wall.

Caboose: Oh. I love breaching!

Tex: Then, we have to get past another wall.

Grif: Two walls? Some people are so materialistic.

Tex: The second wall has a guard tower, and an enormous razor-sharp spinning blade.

Simmons: What that thing? It's spinning like two miles an hour.

Spectator: Are you serious? Don't you know that? It's a high-speed rotating blade designed to slice through anything that comes in contact with it. 

Tex: Exactly. I didn't say it'd be hard to get past. After that, we have to pass the gun turrets and break into the building.

Sarge: And then we attack O'Malley.

Tex: No. That's when we plant, this.

Caboose: ...We're planting a volleyball.

Tex: It's not a ball, it's a bomb.

Caboose: We're planting a volleybomb?

Ren: Seems like a fun sport.

Tex: I've scouted a location inside the base where we can set it off and take the whole place down. I marked the spot with a big X.

Tucker: You scouted it.

Tex: Yeah.

Tucker: If you got past the two walls, the huge spinning blade, the gun turrets, and made it all the way in to the fortress, why didn't you just plant the bomb then instead of putting a big X on the floor?

Tex: ...I can't carry it.

Grif: What?

Simmons: What was that?