《the wallflower》

valedictorian only gets you so far

JUSTICE BING 

"I try not to think. It interferes with being nuts." -Leo Valdez

Justice didn't even know why he was there. He wasn't friends with any of the popular kids, he didn't have some 'bad boy ego', and he didn't have a girlfriend. The only reason he was there was to see the wallflower. But of course, she was nowhere to be found. 

To say that Justice liked Lydia Noble was an understatement. He wasn't a weird-stalker type of guy, but he did admire her from afar, knowing that if he tried, he would probably be rejected so fast he wouldn't know what to do with himself. 

Him and Lydia were friends once in middle school, they hung out with the same people and went to youth groups together. But after Freshmen year, something changes in Lydia. She became quieter than she already was in the first place and was so set on going to college and doing something with her life that nothing else seemed to matter. 

So, there he sat, waiting, wishing, hoping, praying to God she'd show up. But she never did. He saw Andi, Lydia little sister disappear into the house with a group of football players and cheer leaders, but otherwise, there was no trace of Lydia anywhere. 

A wallflower, a strange and delicate thing that he never truly understood. But that was the thing about Lydia, you never could really understand her. It always seemed like she was in two places at once, disappearing and reappearing like the magic act Justice saw on a fourth-grade field trip. She never seemed to be where you thought she would be. Never said what you figured she was going to say. There were so many layers to her that it was hard to even begin to describe her. 

But that's what he adored about her. 

She wasn't basic. She wasn't eye candy. She was someone who had a dream. Someone who knew more about the meaning of life than anyone else on the face of the earth. She was an outcast, but she liked it. 

Justice swallowed his pride, glancing around at his so called 'friends' who were obviously getting more and more drunk by the second, and marched out of the house. He found himself shivering as he walked out to his car, that of course had a young making out on it. He felt resentment raising in him. "Hey, get off!" he shouted a little too loudly. The two stared angrily at him, running off towards the house and leaving him behind in the brisk cold air. 

Pulling out his keys, he huffed as he got into his car and started it up, driving away from the house. He just didn't understand how someone could be so secretive. Lydia's sister acted like she didn't even exist, like Lydia was some thorn in her thumb. 

Lydia was so much more than that. 

Justice drove back home, pulling into the driveway and walking into his house. The house was dark and empty, meaning his mom was still working and that he would be home alone for a while. His mother worked two jobs- one as a teacher's aide and another as a nanny for a family who lived somewhere near Arabella's house. She was trying to get into medical school, so they could have a better life. But in all honesty, Justice just wanted her to be home more often. 

His dad left when he was five, so he didn't really have a relationship with him. And his mother fought tooth and nail to get Justice into good schools and help him find scholarships and have a better life than she had. It was just the two of them for a long time. 

They lived in a tiny duplex near the center of town, next to a big Costco and a couple of other apartment complexes and the middle school his mother worked at. There were always cars racing by and people yelling and horns honking and lights flashing, but Justice liked it that way. It made him feel like there was more to life than what was inside the walls of his house. That there was something better for his mother out there. 

Justice peered into his fridge, which provided mostly the only light in the house, and grabbed out a soda, popping the lid and leaned against the counter. He began to flip through his phone, opening Instagram and looking through his feed to see mostly photos from the party. 

He saw pictures of Andi Noble and a crowd of girls with slim, low-cut dresses, making his stomach churn. He knew Andi when she was little and knew that this was not at all who she was back then. But he figured that happened in high school, people change. Justice sighed, leaving from his spot at the counter and climbed up the stairs to his room. 

The house only had two bedrooms; his own and his mothers, and one bathroom that sat in between the rooms. His room was covered within posters, mostly of colleges and music festivals. Being valedictorian had its pros and cons; he was well respected by most kids at his school, but that didn't exactly make him the most popular. 

Most people were only his because he was smart, not because they actually liked him. And he was only smart because he wanted to make his mother proud. And to prove his father wrong. 

His father sent money only on birthdays and Christmas, but other than that, he never reached out, never wanted anything to do with Justice or his mom. And like many parents who leave, he started a family of his own. He had three children with some woman named Cindy, who didn't seem all that bad. But that fact that his father neglected him, and his mother always stirred something deep in Justice. Something he couldn't really understand. 

Justice sat down at his desk, that was close his window, and opened his laptop. The first thing that pulled up was his college application to UNR, or the University of Nevada, Reno. It was a university that was known for its engineering, and it was one of the top places that Justice wanted to go to- mostly because it was closer to home. 

He applied to several other universities; Georgia Insitute of Technology, South Oregon University, Grand Canyon University, and so on. And he was already working a job at the local In n Out in order to start making money to pay for school. But honestly, he felt like everything was moving too fast. All at once. 

He was graduating high school in two months, and he still didn't know what he really wanted to do with his life. He had no date to the Senior Prom, didn't go to any of the school events unless the Principal or the Debate Team wanted him to make a speech. He felt like he didn't really have much a life. 

Debate Team allowed him to go to Reno every once in a while, but other than that, he felt lonely. Lonely because he could feel him and his mother drifting apart. Lonely because he didn't feel like he had many friends. Lonely because of his father. Lonely because he had to go to a new place... a new place that he had a feeling he wasn't going to belong in. 

And the only person he felt like he could relate to was Lydia Noble. But of course, she was nowhere to be seen.