My Boy

1. A Little Too Used To Sadness

AVA COLLINS POV
"How I wish someone could understand me"

Its 2AM I'm here sitting on my desk chair zoned out and picking my nails thinking about tomorrow. I'm going to a new school; the schools name is Oak Wood Academy. I am extremely nervous for tomorrow. I didn't want to leave my house in California because my mom had passed away a few years ago and that home had many memories of mom which I couldn't leave behind, but dad said he got a transfer to Texas for his job and the job paid really good so here we are. but don't get me wrong this was a really hard decision for my dad as well but at the end he decided it was for the best that we moved here because if he left that job, he wouldn't be able to provide for us. Back to the point, I'm terribly anxious for school tomorrow and if i could i would die right now. Everyone will try talking  to me and judging me. If only mom was her or if i died with her that day. i hear my heartbeat in my chest.

Thump

Thump

Thump

I feel my hands twitching until they decide to shake and now my whole body doesn't feel like its in my control anymore. My heart can't stop beating like crazy and I suddenly start getting flashbacks.

"Mom Mom Mom, please wake up, come on ur daughter is waiting please" I slowly start hugging her bloody body and sob in her chest "Mom, please please PLEASE WAKE UP STOP IT" People are watching me in pity and I hear sirens.

I put my hands on my ears and pull them very hard "STOP STOP STOP" I try to stop the flashbacks, I bite my nails, I feel blood drops coming down my finger, it doesn't stop me, no it makes me want to bite them even more. I get up on my wobbly legs barely holding up and put my earphones in my ear and turn on music, my only escape. I play NDA by Billie Eilish and close my eyes trying to control my body, trying to calm down. I suddenly have a bad headache; I'm used to it though, so I swallow down some pills until I feel a bit relaxed. I feel my eyes closing and welcome the darkness.

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"AVA HONEY WAKE UPP" My dad yells from the kitchen not knowing i was already awake an hour ago cause of this stupid headache which had occurred again.
"IM ALREADY AWAKE DADDD" I yell back. I had already gotten into my school outfit and packed my bag pack since I didn't have time yesterday.

Outfit

I put on some lip-gloss and Lavendar perfume and making sure I had pills in my bag just in case. I made my way downstairs to be met by an enthusiastic smile by my dad" Good Morning honeyy" then he suddenly frowned " Did u get any sleep Ava", I answered "not really dad I only got 3 hours of sleep". "Are u sure u want to go to school today huns?" I nod "it's fine dad I just was a bit nervous at night so I couldn't sleep"suddenly a sharp pain occurred in my head, I closed my eyes tightly making sure I don't wince or anything making my dad worried. " hey ur nails Ava, did u get anxiety at night, please don't lie to me Ava" I knew I couldn't keep much away from my dad so I confessed "I did dad, I just suddenly thought of mom and then you know" I started biting my nails again "oh huns, it's okay" he hugged me and said " be careful sweetheart I know u can't control it but try not to bite ur nails, okay Ava" I nod in his chest, I don't want to get out my dad's embrace but I had to or else I might actually tear up. I get out my dad's arms and give him a small smile and he smiles back " I made some eggs and toast for u along with lemon juice, make sure to eat up" he slides me the plate and glass and I start eating. We both start chattering and laughing, I love my dad, I wish I could tell him everything that has been locking me up all these years, but I'd rather not worry him. I finished and now I'm going to hell=school

this was my first story so please don't judge😭😭anyways I'm so excited to continue this story, I have so many ideas for this bookkk