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(Picture on a walk at night somewhere in Australia)
There's times where you've been kind to me. The type where I'm warm inside and feel better about things I felt insecure about. You'd trace your thumb across my lips and caress my cheeks gently. I felt safe more than ever. The hugs we shared the laughs the smiles. Even the quiet moments where we had nothing to say or just enjoyed being together. But there's times where you weren't so kind to me. I knew I had to remember the good times. Even if the bad weighed down the good. The times I was alone and you weren't there I suffered tremendously because I felt happy around you. You always told me I had to love myself first before loving someone else. I always liked to disagree back then about that because I thought maybe I could love someone. I could love other people in my life without loving myself. I never understood why people tell others
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
I didn't think I needed to. I don't think you have to love yourself first if you are capable of loving someone else. You left and then I had to love from a distance. It wasn't the same but it didn't go away. I slowly started to remember frequently to love myself. I'm still working on it while you're gone but I still don't understand why it's something people say during a hard time. Why? I love everything. I love my cat. I love my friends and family. I love grilled cheese and tomato soup. I love so many things. I love you.
Maybe not myself fully but I can still hug and be there for myself. I can still take care of myself.
I learned a lot from you so I'll keep that close to me even though now I have to love you from a distance.
