10 Years Apart (ongoing)

Almost Over (Lisa POV)

It hurts when she tried to remind me last night that we can't be a couple. I wonder if she ever thought about changing our fate. I mean we definitely could be a couple if we work on it together. Lately I've been thinking, what can I do to make her mine completely. It seems complicated since she's a wife, a mom and a daughter. I mean I can't be selfish. Ella literally need jennie to grow. And I'm not sure whether she'll be happy if her parents divorce. No, I can't let her feel growing up in a broken family like I did. She deserves to be happy. Besides I'm pretty sure her mom would choose her family over me. I'm frustrated cause I feel weak. I can't fight her rich family. The more I think about this, the more I'm depressed. One thing for sure, I would be so broken if jennie decided to end us. No, it's not time yet! I hate it when my mind is drown by negative thoughts! I should stop thinking about our future.

I touch my bracelet pendant cause I'm thinking about jennie. I lied to her last night about something. I told her that if her pendant lit up, it means I'm thinking about her. But actually it's the time when I miss her. I wish I could touch it often but I don't want to freak her out. So I'm only gonna touch my pendant when I miss her a little bit too much. I wonder what she's doing today, I hope she would fetch me but I know that's not gonna happened. Cause she's a pretty laid back kind of person. I'm bored cause I got nothing else to do. I've done my assignment and now I'm free. At the end I decided to go on instagram. There are so many random posts about this one celebrity couple. And I saw the issue is about their age differences. So the male actor is 42 and his girlfriend is 23. I wonder how people would react. So I checked the comment section. Some of them think that this is still normal and some feel like the actor is disgusting, even worse calling him Pedophiles. I really want to fight those who are against this couple. Why would they call him that when his girlfriend is not even a minor. Besides we can't judge them cause we never been in their shoes. This is more about feeling. I hope jennie won't read it.

At night I want to make a video call with jennie, but she's occupied. She told me that she's busy with her new project. So I try to understand. Maybe she'll be free later around 10 or something. So I try to distract my mind by doing something. God! this is torturing, you know why? Cause the clock is only half past 8! Why is it going so slow?! I keep checking my phone in a hope jennie would text me but it's none. I take a long sighed. I touched my pendant again. I hope jennie sees it. Wait so she didn't even think of me today?! Cause I don't see my pendant lit up. What a cold breed. Should I get sulky again? No, she will get bored at me if I act too much like a child. Nope. I gotta stay patient. I ended up laying in my bed scrolling on my phone. I've been switching from facebook, tiktok and to instagram countless times. Where the hell is my woman? Is she falling asleep? She's literally missing in action. This is so frustrating. It would be nice if she could update me something. Not long after that I saw her notification on my screen. I take a sit on my bed and open it.

- Lisa I'm sorry I'm very busy today. I'm all worn out. So talk to you tomorrow. Good night -
That was it?! Seriously?! So she don't want to do a video call. I've been waiting since the afternoon. I guess it's my fault too cause I'm expecting to much from her when as matter of fact we're not even a couple. I can't be mad at her. She has the right to do whatever that she wants cause we're not in a relationship. So I replied back. I told her to take a rest and sleep well. Hope she'll get better by tomorrow. Please let her be free tomorrow. I want to see her again. I miss her. And guess what, she's busy again on the next day. And again on the next. She only replied my text few times. Her project must be so big that she left me hanging for so long. I can't be angry cause she's not mine. But trust me, you don't want to be in this kind of mess, cause this shit hurt so bad. I can only wait until she wants me again.

A week passed. Jennie still busy with her jobs. Actually I'm not even sure if I could wait any longer, cause my patient limit is almost exceeding. But then jennie texted me. She told me that she gonna fetch me later at night. Finally! I could see her again. I'm not longer mad now. How miracle. That night as usual we go to her villa. But I'm stunned when she say this. "Lisa I don't want to do it tonight, I just want to talk". Didn't she miss my touch? I'm slight disappointed cause I want to please her tonight. But I can't complain. So I follow her request. So we sit at the dining hall while munching some snacks on the table. It was quiet. I'm actually trying to find a topic to talk about cause I want to entertain jennie. Somehow she begin to speak.

"Lisa, can I ask you something?" Not gonna lie, I'm anxious cause this is like a serious matter. So I just nodded. Fuck I'm worried now. "How long do you think we could stay like this?". I can see it coming. I can feel it. It makes me tense and panic. "um.. until we can't" I don't know how to give a specific answer. "I can't longer do it. We need to stop this lisa". Something crushing inside of me when I heard that. I'm torn. No, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to let her go. So I gather my strength before I respond. "Jennie please don't. Not yet. Did I make you upset about something? I'm sorry". I'm all nervous. I can't feel my body cause I'm too scared. "Lisa, I'm sorry but we really need to stop this. You're only 22. And I don't want you to waste your time on me. You're still young and there are so many things that you need to explore out there. Please don't settle for a less". Tears begin to fall on my cheek as I heard her talking. I can't grant her wish. Not yet. I'm not strong to let her go. So I try my best to change her mind.

"Jennie please don't do this. I love you jennie. I can't let you go". I'm feeling so weak that my voice almost didn't come out. I'm trembling in panic. This is the first time I feel hurt. It hurt as hell. I almost couldn't breathe. I'm torning apart. "Lisa, stop. You can't. You shouldn't fall in love with me. I think it's better for us to stop all of this before you fall deeper" she replied. I'm pressured. I don't want to agree. So I keep fighting. "Jennie, please don't.. please." I begged. I know she is firm with her decision. So I try to find a way to compromise. "Two months, give us two months. After that I promise, it's the end". I told. I can't follow her request cause this is all too sudden and I'm having a hard time accepting.
She seems thinking for a while. And I'm getting impatient. Please jennie give us another chance. I pray so hard she would be lenient. "Jennie please, this is my last wish". In desperation I keep insisting. Tears keep falling and my eyes feel like burning after crying too much. After a few minutes, she gave me an answer.

Glad she agreed. She nodded to me and said okay in her small voice. I couldn't contain myself that I burst into tears, I'm too terrified. I can't imagine living my life with her. I bow my head down cause I want to hide the pain that I felt at the moment. I'm too embarrassed to look at jennie. She never saw me this vulnerable. I didn't realise she's standing next to me as her hand gently holding my shoulder in a way for me to face her. I still couldn't look at her. I'm a huge mess right now. A moment later she grab my arms and wrapped it on her waist. I guess she wants to hug me and try to keep me calm. But I ended up crying harder and let out all of my emotion. Now I know how hurt it felt for a couple that was going through a breakup. It's almost unbearable especially when you love that person so deeply.