The last couple of games Caitlin knew she hadn't been playing her best. It didn't help that she had been playing every minute of every game and could feel the strain on her body. But she was more used to that and was able to handle the tiredness. What she wasn't used to was the added mental stress that came from people on social media begging for her to be Benched because they didn't think she was playing well. People were calling her all sorts of names and that was having more of an impact on her than anything. She didn't really talk about this added stress with anyone. Maybe she should but Caitlin didn't want that to be the reason she was kept out of the squad.
In order to try and prove people wrong at the next game she was trying to go more 1v1 against her defenders than she usually did. Sometimes she was able to get a corner out of it and sometimes she lost the ball. Every time she lost the ball she got more and more frustrated. To the point where she couldn't really separate herself from the frustration and it started to over take her. Half time was called and the score was still 0-0. A fact which Caitlin was taking full responsibility for even though she wasn't the only player who missed their shots.
Katie easily picked up on the tension rolling off of Caitlin when they stepped into the locker room.
"Are you okay?" Katie asked putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. Which Caitlin easily brushed off and turned her attention back to Jonas or looking at Katie once. This obviously concerned Katie but it wasn't the time to address it so she would just have to wait until the end of the game.
10 minutes after the game resumed Caitlin found herself in a 1v1 situation and easily beat her defender this time and took the shot. It was beautiful. Arcing to the top corner only for it to hit the post and deflect to a defender.
"Damn it!" Caitlin yelled in frustration wondering what else she had to do to get a goal. She was giving it her all and it clearly wasn't enough. Trying to get the ball back and still having a clouded sense of judgement, Caitlin fouled a girl resulting in a free kick for the other team. They took the free kick quickly and after two passes they were in a perfect man up position against the arsenal defense. One more pass saw the opposition shoot and the ball ripple into the back of the net. Caitlin couldn't help but blame herself again now that they were down 1-0. To only make matters worse immediately after the goal she saw her number come up on the substitution board and Cloe Lacasse waiting to be subbed in.
Caitlin took her seat on the bench not saying much to anyone and watched the rest of the game. In the 88' minute Cloe had a great interception and took a shot and it went in! 1-1!
Well at least she tried to be excited. They had pulled back to at least draw this game. But this was pretty much the last straw that broke Caitlin's confidence. She was so defeated even if her team was going to get a point out of this game.
She made her rounds to wave at fans quickly and was the first back in the locker room to shower. She was happy it was a home game so they didn't have to take the bus back. But then she remembered she drove with Katie and would have to wait for her. She couldn't stand to be in the locker room and hear the cheers for Cloe right now so she made her way to the game room just to sit for a little bit until she figured Katie would be ready.
Katie noticed Caitlin was not okay and changed much quicker than usual to go find her. She quickly found her with her head in her hands sitting on a couch in the game room. She quietly entered and locked the door behind her to give them some privacy.
"Cait what's wrong?" Katie asked sitting next to her but giving her some space.
"Nothing" she whispered out trying to hide her tears, "let's just go."
"Nope sit down. It's just you and me in here. Tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours."
Caitlin was quiet still. Katie started rubbing her thigh trying to comfort her which did help her calm down.
"I'm not good enough anymore. I can't do anything right."
"What? You don't believe that do you? You are an absolutely phenomenal player."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better. I'm not. I lose the ball half the time I have it. I can't finish a shot. I'm the reason behind the goal today. All the fans want me benched for Cloe. And can you blame them? She actually scores."
"Oh Cait come here." Katie said trying to pull her into a hug but Caitlin quickly pushed away not wanting to be babied right now.
"Okay fine you don't want to hug me but you're going to listen to me. You are not a bad player. You are just going through a little bad streak. Which EVERY player goes through. You know you can't look at what everyone on social media says. That will help nothing. And as soon as you score again. Which you will. Everyone will act like they never said anything about you. What matters and the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. So let me remind you how good you are. You have been involved in 10 goals this season alone so far splitting it perfectly with assists and goals. You have created more corner opportunities than any one else on the team. You are one of the most capped player for Australia and will be one of the most important players heading into the Olympics. Defenders fear you. Trust me your speed and quickness with the ball is terrifying. You want to know why I voted for you for Fifas best? It wasn't cause you are my girlfriend. It's because every day at practice I have to be at my very best just to not get embarrassed by you running past me. I give you more distance than I do anyone else because your moves are so unpredictable. You have made me the player I've become. I don't know why people can't see it but you are so underrated. That's why I voted for you. To give you the recognition you deserve day in and day out."
Caitlin finally looked up to Katie with tears in her eyes. She immediately regretted pushing away from the hug earlier and jumped into Katie's arms.
"Thank you. I needed to hear that." Caitlin said in a small voice.
Katie rubbed circles into her back and kissed her forehead.
"Of course my girl. You are amazing on so many levels. On and off the field. I should have done a better job reminding you. I promise you'll never forget it again. Now let's go home. Eat our feelings for the night, our little secret since we have tomorrow off, and then the next day you are going to come to practice and remind yourself why you are one of the best wingers in the world."
"You are the best Katie" Caitlin said kissing her lips.
"I know!" Katie said laughing back trying to lighten the mood and leading her girlfriend off the coach. Already opening her phone up to order something they both know they shouldn't eat.
