Devastating

Enzish

This chapter has some disturbing parts like suicide, rape, and abuse. Please avoid it if you are triggered by them. Thank you so much by MJ. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 2:-
Enzish:
My past is so dark. If anyone knows they will leave me. Well everyone already left me. "Jab yeh sab souchti hoon toh bhot dard hota haa". I feel pain in every nerve of my body.

Past
When I was five years old my dad used to hit my mom. I always watched these fights and cried in the corner. My heart hurts. I wanted to die always. I tried to suicide many times. My first suicide was when my father doubted that I was interested in someone. But, I was just sixteen years old why would I? I never had any crush nor did I talk to anyone. Then why did he doubt me? Did he not trust his daughter? When I listened to this I grabbed a knife and cut my veins. Yes, that's my first suicide attempt. I wanted to die. But, unfortunately, they saved me.

My dad asked for forgiveness but I'm broken inside. Ok, I moved on from this shit. I used to live alone. I had friends but no one understood me nor I shared anything with them. I wanted loneliness. I started watching K-dramas, Thai dramas, and C-dramas. They become my world. I always thought that love was real. I thought no one left in the end they would have happy endings. But, I was very wrong.

In my college, my male teacher used to have a crush on me. I don't know I was very naive at that time. I felt attraction towards him. That was my life's biggest mistake.

He proposed to me and I said yes. I had my first relationship. I didn't know what to do. Firstly he was very caring, and loving. But when I fell for him he changed completely. He abuses me, he talks rudely, and he gets angry about everything I do. I cried for him. I always request him to talk to me but he doesn't talk to me. He ignores me completely like I never existed. "Bhot dard hota haa jab koi ap k dil main mohabbat dal k ap ko chor de. Asa lagta haa ap mar jaoo ge but kabhi mar nahi patee. Log q asa karte hain? Kesi k dil main apni mohabbat dal k chor dete hain akhir q? Jab k dilon main toh khuda basta haa phir q asa hota haa???

Then, he left me. I cried for months. I tried suicide attempts but failed. I stopped eating. I lose everything in my life. After six months he came back. He asked for my forgiveness. I was very naive. I gave him a chance again. We started things again but this time he did his worst. I met him first time outside of school in a cafe. After two hours of conversation, he wanted to leave but I wanted him to stay, I kept telling him to stop but he stood up I grabbed his arm to stop him but in the end, he slapped me in front of the whole cafe. I was shocked. I run away from there. I cried a lot for about a month. I blocked him from everywhere. But, he texted me again again.

After that, I gave him another chance. That was stupidity I know. This time he was sweet, loving, and caring. I can't digest it easily. Then, he asked me for my virginity. I denied him many times. But, he forces me every time. I denied it again and again. At last, we meet in his apartment. I kept denying him not to ask for my virginity. Then, he promised to marry me. I was shocked but happy.

My mind stopped working at that time. He put his fingers through my vagina. It was painful. He removed my shirt and suck my nipples hardly he bites on them which makes me feel pain. He became a demon at that time. He was so lusty. He removed my pants and his clothes. He was inside me within a second I yelped in pain I wanted him to remove but he didn't. He was doing it very hard like he wanted to tear me into two pieces. At last, when he saw his dick there was no blood on it. He thought I had sex with someone. But, I never had sex in my life. Girls lose their hymen when they go cycling or lift heavy weights. I explained to him but he didn't care. He slapped me very hard. He was again inside me this time he did his worst I stopped him. But, did not stop I cried. That was not a sex that was rape. He was rapeing me.

When he stopped I felt liquid in my vagina. When I saw that there was a lot of blood. I can't even sit at that time. I put on my clothes and go home. I was in trauma. I switched on the hot shower and tried to remove his touches. I cried a lot.

He left me. I tried to contact him but failed. Then, I asked the principal for his number. I called him he picked up at the third ring. I talked to him but he lied that he was in a difficult situation. He needs money etc. I send him money every single time when he needs it. After a week I called him again but he abused me and got angry. I was very tired of his dramas. I asked him the last question that is he ever loved me? He said "Mujhe tum se irritation hoti ha" I cried and blocked him. I cried to myself that I had nothing left.

I moved on but still can't bear male touch. I am in college now. In two years my whole life has been changed. I met a friend who is my everything. My best friend I can do anything for her. She was amazing. I always felt jealous if someone tried to talk to her. One day she got another friend. She removed me from her life like I was nothing to her. She blocked me from everywhere.

At the end of college, she came and asked for my forgiveness I forgave her but don't want friendship now because it's already hurt. She texts me, and her sister and her boyfriend text me. But I can't talk with the same energy as before. One day she said, "Tum toh mujhe bilkul hi bhool gaie Hoo" I was speechless. Then, her sister's has been hacked I don't know about that. She texted me and wanted my number I was suspicious but still gave her. She sends weird sexual texts to me. She even wants her cousin to have a relationship with me. I was shocked when I found out that I was talking to a stalker, not her. I told my best friend immediately. She asked for proof but I already deleted them. Then, after a few hours they all blocked me like that was all my fault. I cried again because everyone hurt me badly.

After a year, my Instagram friend wants a relationship with me. I don't want that. I was already hurt. But, then I gave him a chance but same as my first relationship he showed me a positive side and then a negative side and left me. I cried like an idiot, to be honest.

After a few years had passed, those who left me came back to me. They wanted me back and wanted Enzish back but they didn't know she was already dead from inside. My first ex cheated on me with my school friend. Finally, I saved her from that bastard, and he returned my all money. But, he abused me till now. I don't give a flying fuck.

My second ex was crying and said he was in pain. But I don't forgive him too. They don't deserve me. "Itne salaon mein yeh seekh lia haa main ne k mohabbat kuch nahi hoti haa or ap jis pe atebar karte hoo woh hi sab se bara snaap hota haa."

Then, I have a male friend. He has a crush on me I don't like him like that. He wants us in a relationship but he talks weirdly like he wants me to do his household work after marriage, wants me to make food for them, wants me to clean toilets. Even I asked him for his sister's picture and he replied, "Meri bhenien izzat dar ghar se hain" I was shocked by his words and I replied, "toh kaya main begirt ghar se hoon?"
He was sick. He asked about my nudes I denied him completely. He talks sexually. I left him he cried for me and he was admitted to the hospital but then again when I asked for forgiveness he cursed me badly. He even said that I left my ex because he is a good man and I am bitch. Like seriously? I left him and I hate him. He doesn't even know that I was rapped by my first ex just blames me.

I left everything. I have no friends nothing. I wanted to be alone.

I open my eyes. Tears are slipping from my eyes.
My past is so dark no one will accept me now. I closed my eyes. Inhale sharply. "Meri rooh pe daagh lag Chuka haa". Now, I don't need anyone or anything just want to become a successful doctor and earn my own money want the best luxurious life for myself. I don't need anyone.

Hope you guys like this chapter. I feel sorry for my character that she bears a lot. But trust me, readers this is based on a true story.
The next chapter will come ASAP. Just wait and enjoy ahead. Wait for Emaar and Enzish's love story.
Lots of love from you author MJ💕