steve harrington hadn't lived in hawkins his whole life, he had wanted to leave who he was and what he did behind him, long forgotten- everything was going fine until a few people of his past came knocking and steve was left to face the same devil t...
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Trigger warnings for this chapter - Roy, ptsd, meditation, death, graveyards, unauthorized gun, abuse,
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"Long morning, Alligator?" A short hair ginger girl the same age as Gator was as he walked through the doors of a small food market store in town and he looked around confused till his eyes laid on her face and he sighed. "Yeah, could say that" Gator says rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand.
"You always carry that with you?" The ginger girl, Barbara Holland, had said as she pointed to the visible 9mm pistol just poking out of the right side of his belt, like this was the most normal thing, and it was because she knew him.
Gator looked at her confused and then looked at where she was pointing "fucking bitch" Gator had cursed to himself and hid the gun more under his jacket.
"Didn't realize I got it" Gator admits to Barb who shook her head at him. Gator felt dumb in this moment and so he looked away in embarrassment.
"I get it, you're used to it even after four months from needing to carry one, especially after going years with one on your holster" Barb comments quietly as Gator made his way over to the counter that the girl stood behind to work.
"Paranoid. That's all, 'kay?" Gator stated firmly but sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, it was a habit now when he was scared, nervous or on the verge of a panic attack.
"I get it" Barb said back as she handed him the usual bottle of meds for his ptsd, he obviously couldn't go to the doctor himself for the risk of having his real name so he had opted to trust Barb enough to help him get some unprescribed.
"Thanks. You know, for the meds and not.. turning me in or whatever" Gator spoke quietly, scared of people knowing but Barb shrugged it off. "Thanks for trusting me enough" Barb said and gave him a soft smile.
Gator didn't mind Barb, in fact he felt the need to be brotherly to her, which felt both scary and comforting to him..
She was the only one he trusted fully at this point.
"And maybe don't bring that with you everywhere, or if you feel you have to then hide it.. people in this town don't like things out of place" Barb reminds him, which of course Gator knows because no place really likes being 'different'.
"I'll remember, swear it" Gator states as he pockets the meds bottle quickly like they were something to hide, he felt ashamed at needing them.
"I know. And when you eventually forget again, I'll be right here to remind you" Barb says as she walks around the counter and picks up a shopping basket to help Gator find his food.
"Oh come on, you're the only one that knows who I really am, don't that show my trust for you yet?" Gator says amused at the ginger as they walk around the shop picking up various tins, bottles and whatever else.
"We'll see, won't we" Barb said giving him a smile before helping him bag the items. "Guess so, Red" Gator says given her a genuine smile.
"Have you heard anything?" Barb asked once she finished bagging the items of different food and drinks and then she looked up at Gator in concern.
"Nah. Thank fuck, he probably still in Dakota.. probably ain't gonna be long till he finds me, didn't run far enough.." Gator says as the midwestern accent sneaks in and Gator feels thankful that it's only the two of them in the store.
"Probably not, if I'm honest with you. But you do have people in your corner even after everything" Barb says as she writes something down on a small bit of paper.
"Yeah? Like who? 'cause I'll tell 'em they're fucking dumb" Gator stated back to the ginger who chuckles and shook her head.
"Like me, idiot. You had Liz when she was alive too. You'll find your people, just not Tommy and Carol, okay? Real people in your corner" Barb says making Gator look away with his teeth clenched.
He wanted so badly to believe her, honestly he did.. he just couldn't.
"What if they knew what I did?"
"What if they hated me?"
"What if everyone left me because of who I am?"
"What if I don't deserve people on my side?"
It was a constant battle inside Gator's mind and he willed away the tears that threatened to spill as he was reminded of his fathers words once more,
"Men don't cry, Gator. That's for pussies and I won't raise you as one. Suck it up and get on with it".
Barb could see the reaction clear as day so she coughed, earning Gator's attention again as he looked at her confused before remembering where he was and gave her a small nod as if to say he was fine now.
"So, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow, right?" Barb says changing the subject quickly which Gator is thankful for.
"Yeah. Thanks for helping, again" Gator said as he picked up the bags and tried to hand over the money to Barb but she kept saying that for him it'd be free.
"If you trust me enough, then it's always on the house. One friend in your corner already" Barb said and handed the small note paper to Gator before walking away to go back to her job as Gator walked back to his red BMW that Elizabeth had got him three months ago.
Gator sat in the driving seat and sighed once he put all the bags in the boot and drove to the next place, the graveyard, to go put flowers- daffodils- by Elizabeth's grave.
Once he arrived at the creepy looking grave- Gator always hated graves and graveyards, something about them just creeped him out as he always felt that someone was watching him, knew his moves and who he was and would inevitably lash out at him, probably kill him-
But then again, he wasn't here for himself.
He owed it to the woman who took him in even after he admitted to her who he really was, all he got from her was "I always knew you were different, Son. Just.. let me hear that accent of yours before I go.. I want to see and.. hear the real you.. please..".
And that's what he did, with her he just spoke normally, didn't hide anything and even now he always spoke at her grave in the usual midwestern accent he grew up with, he didn't want to disappoint her.
So, Gator got out the car with a sigh and grabbed the seven daffodils- because that has her favorite number and her favorite flowers- and looked at the note Barb gave him before he walked over to Elizabeth's resting place.
"You're more than you believe your worth, Gator. Don't forget that and that I'm always in your corner. no matter what, Idiot - Red"
