Caged With The Alien Warrior

57.

Ronan

I could not fall asleep.

I had never had that problem before. Usually, I was so exhausted that as soon as my head hit my pillow, I was out. Throughout my entire military career, I had been able to shut out the thoughts of the day and sleep.

And it was not as if I was not tired today– stars, I was tired. From finding Aanya with Eco and the jealousy that coursed through my veins to the waterfall and the pleasure we found to the meeting with High General Ilzax and the stress that locked my muscles to telling Aunt Mae and Uncle Korath we were leaving and the guilt that weighed down my shoulders. I thought getting away from the Szentists was supposed to be the hard part, not this. The aftermath.

But even being bone tired, without Aanya in my arms and Lani nearby, something felt different. Logically, I knew they were in the room next door to me. I knew that. But that didn't stop the ache in my chest.

I forced myself to close my eyes and count jabwas. I managed a couple stints of sleep throughout the night, but after what felt like minutes, I woke up to heart palpitations and cold sweats. Stress for Aanya, for Lani, for the mission– it all invaded my every thought, even asleep. I had to be perfect. I had to protect them. I couldn't fail.

My sheets were too hot, then too cold. The room was too big, then too small. My thoughts were flying at the speed of light, then agonisingly slow.

Before I knew it, my comm buzzed with my alarm to get up. I scrubbed a hand over my tired face, willing myself into alertness. With a sigh, I swung my legs out of bed and abandoned the warmth of the bed for the cold tile floor. I used the fresher, and got dressed in my all black uniform.

Gripping the white marble sink, I looked at myself in the mirror with messy hair, bloodshot eyes and deep purple dark circles. I splashed some water on my face but there was not much I could do about it.

I tied half of my shoulder-length black hair up into a bun, leaving the rest down, out of habit more than any conscious decision.

Dressed and ready, I went next door to Aanya and Lani's room. I double checked my comm that it was a reasonable time and knocked on the door. There was no response. I frowned. Hm. Maybe human customs didn't understand knocking.

"Aanya?" I called out, voice still hoarse with sleep. Still no response. She was likely just in a deep sleep, right?

I cracked the door open and stepped in. "Aany–" I cut myself off. The room was empty.

My heart rate skyrocketed, palms clammy. Stars, where were they? I tore through the fresher. No, not there. Where could they be?

Did Aanya leave me? Were they abducted? Were they hurt, killed?

My breath came in quick pants. I ran down the stairs. No, not at the table or outside.

Finally, I ran into the kitchen, skittering to a stop. Aanya stood with her back to me, humming while she bounced Lani in her arms.

I sucked in air, trying to catch my breath and calm my runaway heart. I had feared the worst. I do not think my heart could take sleeping apart from them again. Luckily, on the ship we'd have a suite together.

I wiped the sweat off my brow.

Thank the stars that Aanya was already awake in the kitchen with a sleepy Lani in her arms. They did not leave me, they were not abducted. All the worst thoughts had run through my head.

Aanya turned around, the soft smile on her lips turning downturned as she saw me. "Are you alright, Ronan?" she asked, concern colouring her tone and she came closer.

"Oh, fine. I'm fine. Great." I tried to smile, masking my still-racing heart and thoughts. I probably looked like a wild animal baring their teeth. Clearly she didn't believe me. "I– uh, just went for an early morning run." It was a little lie. I did not want her to know about my over-blown panic.

"Oh, okay." She nodded. "I can't say I like running, but I should do some more exercise too. Maybe during the trip?"

"Yes, there will be facilities on the ship to exercise, if you so choose." My words came out stilted and formal before I cleared my throat. "I can finish feeding Lani while you go and get ready? And I believe that Eco packed for you and Lani; however, you might want to double check that he did not forget anything you wanted. Unfortunately, you will not be able to bring much, just the necessities. There is not much room for more on a military craft." Yes, I did just ramble at her. But in the process, my heart did slow down somewhat and I caught my breath. I didn't need to pack anything because Drogan had organised all our team belongings. I didn't have anything here to pack– all my belongings were with the team.

"Oh, that's so sweet of you," Aanya said as she passed Lani into my arms with her bottle. "I'll just take a quick shower and check in with Eco and Vrux. Then we'll be on our way." She gifted me with a smile that almost stopped my heart before she left.

Stars, I didn't deserve her. But I'd do whatever I could to prove myself to her.

I watched her as she left, going up the stairs to her room, before looking down at Lani.

Little Lani, who blinked up at me trustingly with those big eyes as she gulped down formula.

"I've missed you, Lani." I said to her softly while she ate. "You've grown so much. I'm sure I missed a lot while I was asleep for those three weeks. I'm sorry that I wasn't there."

Lani paused eating and cooed something in baby-ness to me, like she was replying. I nodded along like I understood what she said.

"But I'm here now. Would you like to hear some stories about your father? I know he would've given anything to be here with you now." I spoke past the thickness in my throat. "You know, I knew him from when we were both your age. He was always so mischievous, getting us in trouble all the time and blaming me and Kallum..."

I fed her and spoke, telling her stories of Kier and our childhood. I didn't notice Aunt Mae in the shadows of the doorway, watching with tears in her eyes. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

So... Ronan was hella stressed this chapter. 

What else are you reading right now, on Wattpad or offline? I'm nosy and wanna know

Comments and votes are much appreciated.

Virtually yours,

Ro