theodore nott right person wrong time

part one

his pov

i always rolled my eyes when i heard people using 'right person wrong time' as an excuse for a break up. and i told myself if i ever found the right person then i don't care if it's the end of the world and everything around us is burning to the ground, i wouldn't let anything make it the 'wrong time', I would fight for us.

yet here i am, sat at the top of the astronomy tower eating my own words as i wait for y/n so i can have the hardest conversation of my life. I heard the unmistakable sound of her footsteps as she climbed the stairs. The sound that use to bring me so much joy, now reminded me of a ticking time bomb. Counting down the last moments of my happiness before I blew it all up. It's ironic, everyone always said I would be my own downfall.

tick. tick. tick.

"god, I really need to start doing cardio, those stairs nearly kill me every time" 
the familiar noise of her voice drifted towards me as I turned to take her in.

tick. tick. tick.

She lent against the door frame, hand on her heart trying to catch her breath. i allowed myself a few minutes to just stare at her and pretend everything is okay. a rosiness spread across her cheeks and she had a faint sheen on her skin.

tick. tick. tick.

"teddy are you okay?"
i thought i could pretend but she can always see straight through me.  i pasted on my best smile, i wasn't brave enough to do it just yet.
"i'm fine sweetheart, come here" i held out my arms.
her eyes held a wariness, she didn't buy it but she didn't push me.

as soon as i felt her arms wrap around my waist and the smell of her perfume enveloped me in a comforting bubble i felt my nerves calm. she has the power to do that, no matter what is happening to me her presence could always ground me.

tick. tick. tick.

"how was your day"
"well i have a story for you, you know what i told you the other day about pansy..."
i half listened as she told me about her day, but my mind was elsewhere, this was the last time i will ever be able to sit up here and listen to her talk all night and that might be enough to kill me.

i looked down at her, her eyes staring back at me, staring into my soul.
pausing mid sentence "what are you staring at nott?"
"watch it y/n"
her answering smile was like dragging a dagger through my heart. i couldn't do this anymore i needed to rip the bandaid off.

tick. tick. tick.

y/n must have sensed the change in my thoughts.
"theo are you sure you are okay?"
"well no, there was something i needed to talk to you about."
i watched as her face dropped and the dagger in my heart twisted sending a fresh sharp pain through me.
The silence between us dragged out as she waited for me to continue. I could already see her running the worst case scenarios through her head.

"Before I carry on I want you to promise me one thing. That is all I will ask of you."
"Theo you are scaring me what is it?"
"Promise me you will never blame yourself"
"Blame myself for wha-?"
"Promise me y/n" my voice caught at the end, I was not going to be able to hold it together.
"Okay. I promise."

tick. tick. tick.

Taking in one last pain free breath I prepared myself.
"Im leaving tomorrow"

boom.

She pulled herself out of my hold and her absence left a gaping hole in my chest.
"Forever" I clarify, when she doesn't respond.

"Theo what are you talking about? Where are you going? Why? I just don't understand "
"Im not sure where yet, just away. As for the why its a little complicated, and I need you to wait for me to finish before you say anything otherwise I won't make it through this"

A glassy film covered her eyes. The dagger in my heart twisted again knowing I was the reason for her hurt. The pressure increased and I couldn't hear anything save for the cracking of my heart as I continued.

crack. crack. crack.

"I love you so much, and I know it is cruel to say this before leaving but I need you to know. The only thing in my life I have ever been sure of is my love for you."
A sob ripped up her throat as tears began to fall down her face. Her soft perfect face.

crack. crack. crack.

I cleared my throat to try and get rid of the lump forming at the base.
"But because I love you so much, I know it is best for me to leave, I am tainting your pure heart. And it is unfair. Im reaching rock bottom and if I stay I will drag you down with me. I know it will hurt when I first leave and if I could take all of it for you believe me I would. But I promise when it's been a while you will feel better. I just want you to know it is not your fault, you are the only reason I have stayed as long as I have."

She looks away from me but the moonlight illuminates the endless tears rolling down her cheeks.

crack. crack. crack.

"You will always be my person y/n. There won't ever be anyone else . You are it for me. But Im just not a good enough person for you, because you deserve the world and more. I am so sorry"

It began to pour it down, it was almost as if the weather was reflecting my emotion.
Y/n didn't say anything, she couldn't even look at me. She just sobbed like I've never seen before. It took me a minute to realise I was crying too.

crack. crack. crack.

I couldn't take her crying anymore, I reached for her but she flinched back, avoiding my grasp. The tiny shard holding my heart together shattered. And all the tiny pieces fell to the floor laying by my feet.

I know its for the better. But she doesn't even want me to touch her anymore, ive caused her this pain, and I don't think I will be able to liv e with myself.

"Y/n please say something"
She finally lifted her eyes to meet mine, but they had lost their spark. And I did that.
"I have nothing left to say to you Theo, you promised me you would never leave me. But here we are" her breath was shaky as she delivered the last thing she would ever say to me.
I couldn't say anything else before she turned away and left.

I collapsed to the floor.
All that was left behind was me and my broken heart.