Elena Meet World| book 1| in progress

March 1, 2029

One thing about about about my childhood home was that it was small as small as covid! That being said the only big room in the house was the fucking living room! Which i hated! Why because my father would obsessively watch tv and movies! It was the most assigning things on the planet! Why because his taste in the tv snd movies.....like he like LA confidential! That was when i was rediscovered reading and started reading the chicken soup for thr teen age souls! That was what helped save my mental health! I was obsessively reading that series and until i starting slowly to writing! I was writing poetry! I wrote a poem at the age 17 when i had my first major depression, my father gave me an ancient book on poetry!
When i was reading that book that my father gave me i wrote a poem

I was at the computer class
I dread the class
At was killing me
Then my heart just stopped
From the stress
As the teacher calls the medical examiner
I try to tell about the damaging stress
But soon
I was when in the body bag
I reallized that the class killed
As they roll me into the autopsy room
As they prep me for autopsy
I said to the ME
Its the computer class that killled me
And i never wanted to take it
It is to stressful
I died in my chair and never awoke!......

That was the basic ins and outs of the poems from what incould remember and it help relieve some the shit that was one the chest! Though it was a longer poem i still am proud of that dark accomplishment......

What saved me from succumbing tomthe depression at the time was islamic poetry that i found at a neighbour's house!  That was what got me interested in islam up until just a few years ago!  When i reallized that before i was prescribed the prozac i realized that i was on the mend that was when i decided to convert until i was 33 years old!   It helpped me was the idea that there was something out there before before another asshole named bryan, also destroyed that for me!
This asshole mentioned on my 34th birthday that he was ISIL And also broke up with me!  Now this guy he faked cancer, faked PTSD! And had one if his exes come and threaten me on facebook messager with a slow death by japanese katana!  She was freaking me out......all on my 34th birthday!  The fact that it happened on my birthday was traumatic in it on its own!  Also i had to desl with the fact that this bryan was a serial killer and terrorist was enough to make me not want to heal and try to date women and trans male to female women of my age!      It was one of my lows that someone could take advantage of you weak links like that and paint it as a relationship was terrible!
The idea of him makes me want to touch grass!  It is very said!

Now i return to the land of men, as i have yet another boy friend of about 6 or 8 months incannot tell, his name is Curt!  And he is more that just a marked improvement on the last guy but he is kind, caring, gentle and genuine!   He is also sweet!  And he is not online!  That being said when of my songs that i wrote was that there was no real connection with people you meet on line 99% of the time!  The other 1% would be my friend janara brown!

It is interesting that i went back to the guitar and started using it as a musical psychatrist!  That being said it is now music.....poetry put to music that is saving me!  When ever i play the guitar i am less likely to blow up like an ied at some -temper wise!  Or have a melt down!  When i play the guitar i am in my own little world and i am able to see what my father was at about him and his tv!  It was the coping mechanism!

The song no real

Oh I am a sooth sayer
I just speaker of the truth
Oh! Love has died  since the advent of the internet
Internet killed the love

There is no
Real love
No
real friendships
real
Connection

Just sexting
What the hell is that
As I tried to reconnect with
old friend
A friend that I meet today
The only real friend
Since child hood