Izzy & Noah ✔️

Seventy - two : One more time to feel it all

˝How have you been feeling lately? Do I have the feeling that these attacks have lessened a little, or am I wrong? ˝ I ask him, breaking the silence that has fallen because it is pleasant, but this is not the time to be quiet, I want to live.

I want to make the most of every moment I have.

˝It's true, yes, with the new therapy they are a bit more under control, but I can enjoy life more, there's no fear of what will happen. ˝ Noah replies, drinking his coffee.

˝Are you ever afraid of what might happen on the street? ˝I ask, Noah has isolated himself a bit, most days he is at home or with Tom or Luke. It's hard, you see him walking around, he likes to be in a safe environment where we can help him, at least someone from Noah. Life must have changed a lot for him, it's not what he wanted, I can hear in his voice how much he misses the simple things to enjoy life again.

˝It makes me feel uncomfortable because people would feel uncomfortable and they wouldn't know what to do. I don't want to take any risks, that's why I spend so much time at home or with people who know what's going on with me, I can relax around them. ˝ he replies a little thoughtfully.

˝I've noticed that you move between our flats, or between hospitals when you go for a check-up. Tell me honestly, are you ever afraid of dying? ˝ I ask, although it seems to me that this is not exactly a subject to talk about in the middle of an airport, in the middle of chaos, in the middle of a crowd. But Noah is never bothered by my questions.

"No, it's just this suffering and isolation that is slowly but surely killing me. When I can't go where I want to go, when I can't be who I really am. But at the same time, I know that this is my reality, that it's not going to get better, and that's why I wanted to go to Paris, to experience it all one last time, the freedom that travelling gives you, the love you feel and the joy you get when you make someone happy. I want to be happy once and for all. Just once more. ˝ he says, smiling at me.

Every word he says is true, it touches me, in its own way it stabs me in the heart, what will happen when Paris is over, will he give up? Will he lose hope in life?

And what about me? Am I missing out on life, not really living it enough? I think about my choices, my life, my steps.

I remember a situation from work, my job is hard to forget, even when I have a day off I think about it, this example is so vivid in my mind.

I remember a gentleman with lung cancer, he was admitted because of deterioration, breathing problems, general weakness, he had a CT scan which showed that the disease had progressed, that the disease had gone on, that the lesions in his head, in his lungs, in his skeleton were enormous.

And until he knew the result, he was still fighting, he was gathering strength, he was taking care of himself, but when the doctor told him about the condition, he gave up.

He just said, 'Does this mean I'm going to die? Two days later he died.

What does the human psyche do, you either give up or you fight...

I drink coffee, I drink it to the end.

˝All Flight 35 passengers please report to the gate. ˝ We hear it over the loudspeaker, so it's hard for me to comment on Noah's words, but there will be time for all the words, all the right moments.

"It's time to go," I say, looking at Noah. He stands up confidently, clears his chair. He fixes his hair.

He holds out our hands. And we walked hand in hand towards Gate 35.

I look around me, how many people are hurrying, how many children are at the airport. How much life there is here, how many people are dreaming, hoping for a better tomorrow, how many people really believe that tomorrow will be better. People are flying away from their stressful lives; from the lives they are tired of.