The Last Philosopher

Only helping

Charlie's idea for Herschel's latest community service had started with a sneaking suspicion. But as she investigated further, she was still shocked to find her thinking was correct. In his wanderings around town, Herschel had been helping people. Solving minor disputes left and right. He'd even put a truce in an old family feud. But how he'd done it was anyone's guess.

"If we can put 'erschel in a position as a sorta judge, he coud' help a lot af folk."

That was how it started. With Charlie whispering to Fannie after closing one evening. They were having their usual night cap of grog-blossom, as a reward for a good days work. Using the rare glass steins, both women watched the bubbles moving down-wards in the tar-black liquid.

"Ya'll 'ave ta get permission from Bres, utherwise he'll make a stink," Fannie said before taking that first sip with a satisfied, "Aah!"

They both reckoned Bres would fight Charlie on the idea, even if it was in the interest of the town. But she was sure she could beat him. Just like she used to beat him when they were kids on that little patch of dirt they called a schoolyard. Even with Bres being over half a decade older than her, he was never any good at most things.

"Worst case I'll si' on him until he folds like a dirty towel! Like w'en we was kids." Talking to Bres was nothing like going to see the Ms Skvosip.

The next day she went straight to the courthouse as soon as she woke up, and got the worst of the tussle out of her hair. Bres looked a lot less frazzled than last time she was in his office. Perhaps it was connected to the lingering whiff of ladies' perfume, but she hadn't met anyone on her way in. Also, the girls of Sinade's weren't usually up at this hour.

"Whadaya want," he grunted like he was out of breath.

"I wanna help ya!"

"Grand, so ya want mi ta help you, but ya want to pretend yer 'elping me? I'm all out af handouts I'm afraid."

"Ya t'ink I want money?"

"Well, don't cha?"

"No! Or I mean sure if there was any to be had--"

"-- Aha! There it is!"

"Wait, I only meant there ain't much coin in town an' I could barter for some cash ta use later if ya had some?"

Agalaland for the most part ran on barter. Creating their own currency was likely on some to-do list somewhere, but who could be bothered with all the hassle. As a workaround everyone accepted coin from Bergre, Rotemeda, and Tweek. It was a lot handier to move around than grain or chickens. Although, the 'everyone decides for themselves what it's worth'-system of exchange left a lot to be desired.

After negotiating an exchange of IOU's for quite a few Crones, Charlie pretty soon found out Bres had no real concern with what they were planning. His standpoint was that if they wanted to deal with the petty complaints requiring compromise, that was fine by him. With a few conditions. Herschel could never called himself a judge and they couldn't do it in the courthouse. They had to make it clear there was not even an unofficial stamp of approval from the law. Even if that was exactly what he was giving them. He also wanted the right of first refusal on cases. Meaning he decided which cases were lucrative enough to be taken to the court.

But the most important thing to Bres, even more than the appearance of not judging, was that Herschel would never hand out any real punishments. Not even one little fine. The little man seemed smaller than usual as he told her that dealing out punishments was best part of the job.

Later that day Herschel and Charlene was crossing the square as she whispered, "wha're we gonna call wha' ya do if we can't tell people you're judging."

"You know, I always wanted a little bookstore, not to own, but a place where I could sit with a cup of tea and read."

"A bookstore? Like a place tha' sells books?" If it wasn't for the hedging school most Agalians would recognise a book unless it was thrown at their head."

"Does that matter? The important thing is that we give the appearance of not judging? And if we sell a book here and there along the way, I can't see how it would hurt?"

"Yeah! Ya're right. So, ya're going to be a lawman now, ya know," she teased as they crossed the threshold into what would soon become HC's books. "Ya're gonna work for the law."

"No, I don't think so," he smiled. "I will make the law work from me. But will only be helping people as best I can, that's as close to working for justice as I think anyone can get." His frown took on a serious expression.

The next day, before they even had a shingle out, they had their first curious lookie-loos. Most were just wondering what was gonna become of the place, but one man came looking for advice on how to deal with his in-laws. In the excitement Charlie forgot to ask for payment. Not that Herschel minded, if it was up to him, he would've helped everyone for free. Or as he called it pro-bone, or something.

Updated: 15.03.2024