𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 / 𝐈𝐕.

II.

stained glass

THE CHURCH is filling with chatter and excitement as I pull at the strap of my dress, the fabric tight and a struggle to fit into this morning, cutting into my trembling skin. It isn't even my wedding, but I'm still worried as Mom tucks a curl behind her ear. She looks amazing, though her skin is practically green and her hands are shaking while they tighten around her bouquet.

"Mom, this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life." I remind her, taking another look over her appearance. You would have thought it was custom-made with how it hung from her body, the long train, and the off-white color, but she'd found it in an antique boutique in Port Angeles. "Okay?"

"Well, I was just as nervous on my old happiest day. But it was worth the twelve-hour labor and tears." She tells me, a glassy look in her eyes as the piano begins to play and the music swells through the building. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Okay," I nod, truly happy for her as I loop my hand around her arm. "Let's do this."

Guests rise from their seats as we leave the side room, standing for a moment in the doorway of the sanctuary. Jewel-colored flowers line the aisle, light pours in from the stained glass windows, and in front of the alter, cleaned up for once, Charlie is waiting and looks like he'll start crying any moment now.

We begin to walk as the music swells, and I scan the faces of the crowd. Past the distant relatives, and friends, and receiving a wink from my boyfriend as I walk past him and my gaze returns to the alter. My hand tightens around Mom's arm as we reach Charlie, suddenly I feel anxious to let go of her. For so long it had been just me and her, mother and daughter. But I knew the change would be good for her, I know Charlie will keep her safe and loved when I'm gone.

"Take care of her," I whisper to him when I let go of her arm. She kisses my cheek, her makeup already beginning to smudge from crying. But she's never been happier.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

There's nothing more nauseating than the thought of everyone's eyes on me. My hands shake as I smooth down the navy dress and stand to walk to the podium, my grandmother is watching me like a hawk and the guests are quieting down to listen. Chewing at my lip while I take the mic, it whines as I set down my speech on the podium. The sound causes me to wince and choke back humiliation, but no one seems to judge as I look down at my speech.

But all the words feel wrong, they fall flat in my eyes as the pit in my stomach grows. Searching the crowd with anxiety, I find Edward who gives me a reassuring nod, his smile soft as he consoles me from across the room.

"Okay, um," I take a deep breath, folding back up the speech so I can't see it before I bring my eyes up to the guests and my mother. She hasn't stopped smiling today and it brings me relief as I find the right words.

"It's a rare thing that's happened today, two outstanding people who make such an impact in their community to come together in unity and for so many to get to bear witness to this event. Charlie, who's maybe a bit too lenient with speeding tickets, who's quick to help when you need to move or a pipe is burst, who helps arrange funerals and attend the high school sports games to support those who needed it the most. And Cam, my lovely mother, who's worked so diligently taking care of the sick and hurt at the hospital, who always makes meals when there's a new baby and volunteered at school or community events. In my years, I don't know if I've ever met such a selfless couple who deserve each other more. And I cannot be more than grateful to know someone is watching after Mom when I leave for Alaska. So thank you, Charlie, for loving and taking care of her when I can't. And Mom, I'm so glad to finally see you so happy. I wish you two only the best because you deserve the best."

I'm wiping tears from my eyes as I leave the podium, guests clapping as I return to my seat next to Mom and someone else begins their speeches.

"Now where did you become so well-spoken? I can only imagine how talented of a journalist you'll become at this rate." She says with a small chuckle, looking over at me and brushing the hair away from my face.

"I learn from the best," I smile at her.

The slew of speeches and congratulations bore me, and when they finally finish, I'm quick to my feet for refreshments and to find my friends whom I've said all of three words to today. While I pour myself a glass of punch, silently questioning the contents of the drink Edward finds me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"I told you that you were going to be fantastic." He chuckles, kissing my cheek as I sniff at the punch that disagrees with my stomach. Edward watches as I put the drink down on the table, deciding against the bright-colored concoction. "Baby, are you sure you're okay? You've been off all week."

"Yeah, it's just too sugary for my taste." I shrug his worry off, assuring him and myself that everything's fine. That my body is just catching up to the anxiety I have towards Alaska. With my sleepless nights, I've laid awake wondering how horrible the transformation will be and picturing the pain I'll feel. The thought causes me to shudder and he frowns again.

"I'm fine, let's just dance," I say, grabbing his wrist and dragging him out onto the linoleum dance floor as a slow song begins and other couples move out to dance.

"You know, it's natural to be scared about moving and changing," Edward says softly, his hand running over my bare spine as I cling closer than the other couples were. With every strum of the music, we sway in sync, two organisms who've grown closer in the past few weeks in body and mind since our relationship first began. "You can tell me what's wrong, Heather."

"It'll pass soon enough, there's no point in making you worry about it." I sigh, knowing that the change is impending and I can't escape it anymore. The tickets are bought, my suitcases are packed, and the marks on the calendar dauntingly remind me of the inevitable. 

"But I want to, I care about you. Your worries are mine, your hopes are mine, your fears are mine so long as you allow it." He promises me, a sweet smile painted across his face as the song dies down.

I bite back a sob, emotions gripping me quickly, and when Edward notices he offers me a tissue. "Thanks. It's hard to believe you wanted to be a soldier in your past life, you're so mushy."

"You're to blame for that, Heather. I was nowhere as romantic as I am now. You've completely changed me and I couldn't be more grateful."