Traumatic

Traumatized - 9

!TW - PTSD, Flashback, Anxiety, Crying, Panic attack, Stress!

*fast foreword - the day after*

Nick's POV:
Today it is Tuesday. The morning was very difficult for both me and Charlie - Charlie had anxiety attacks and I felt so incredibly helpless. But despite our feelings and thoughts, we both managed to get to school, and I'm very proud of him for that. Right now, Charlie has art lessons with Mr. Ajayi, which makes me feel a little more secure. He promised to call me if it got too difficult or if something happens, but right now I doubt he will actually contact me.

I myself am currently in math class. The whole classroom is silent and every minute feels like an eternity. Every minute I check my phone to see if I have received anything from Charlie, but nothing comes. My mind begins to spin and I struggle to keep myself calm and positive.

After a few minutes, which feels like hours in the quiet classroom, I see something out of the corner of my eye. I turn around and look out of the window on my right and see a person running out of the school doors. The person looks very scared and confused, like they don't know where to go. When the person turns around and I see the backpack on their back, I realize it's Charlie. My heart starts beating faster and I realize that I have to get out to him as soon as possible. How can I leave the classroom smoothly?
"Mr... can I use the bathroom?" I ask the teacher, trying to keep my voice calm. He hesitates for a moment before nodding and letting me leave the classroom. I run out of the school and approach Charlie who is standing and hyperventilating.

Charlie's POV:
I stand outside in the school yard and it feels like I'm in another world. Everything feels unreal and it stresses me out even more not to have control over the situation. My whole body is shaking and I just feel like I want to escape - but where, and how?

Suddenly I hear someone shout my name. Hesitantly, I turn around and see a figure running towards me. Panicked, I take a few steps back when I see who the person is.
"Please.. please... go- go away.. Ben.." I scream with panic in my voice. This causes the figure, who I believe to be Ben, to stop a few meters away from me. I close my eyes and feel the tears start to flow down my cheeks. I'm so scared right now, just want to run but it's like I'm frozen to the ground.
"Charlie..." says a voice calmly and softly. A voice I recognize. Nick. Slowly I open my eyes, but all I see is still Ben in front of me. Quickly and hastily I close my eyes again and turn around from him.

Nick's POV:
I don't know what's going on, but he refuses to look at me and he seems to be afraid of me. He has turned around and is now standing with his back to me. I am now even more stressed. But I choose to stay a few meters away from him, not push him too much.
"It's me char... It's Nick. Can you hear me?" I ask in the same calm voice. I see a weak nod coming from Charlie. Thanks god, he can al least hear me.
"Can you turn around?" I continue. After a moment of hesitation he turns and meets my gaze with a panicked expression written all over his face.
"Do you see me?" I ask and he quickly shakes his head before looking down at the ground. It's now that I understand - he's having a PTSD flashback. He doesn't see me, he sees Ben. That's why he's so scared. How can I help him out of this?

Charlie's POV:
I am so incredibly scared right now, what is happening to me? Why do I hear Nick's voice but see Ben? Should I trust my hearing or my sight?
"Charlie.. you don't have to look at me, but can you try to focus on my voice? It's just you and me here, and everything else you see isn't real" Nick says in his calm and soft voice. I stand with my eyes on the ground and slowly nod in response to his question. I hear him start to approach me, causing my whole body to start shaking even more. I feel my legs getting weak and I start to feel like I will faint. I look around me and see the park benches some distance away, and make the decision to run and sit down instead of having to stand up. Nick, who looks like Ben, follows me and crouches down in front of me. I still don't dare to meet his gaze, I don't want to have to see Ben's disgusting face.
"Can I touch you, Charlie?" Nick asks. The thought of seeing Ben and feeling him touch me makes me very uncomfortable. With that, I shake my head.
"It's okay, I understand" Nick says in a friendly voice.

After a while I start to feel a little better. My body has started to relax and I don't feel as dizzy anymore. Nick has been sitting in front of me the whole time talking about all kinds of things to keep me distracted. I blink my eyes a little and suddenly I feel how everything feels more real again. It's like I come back to reality. Scared, but still somehow safe, I look up and now see Nick sitting in front of me. He was here the whole time? Ben was never here? I feel my eyes begin to fill with tears as I see his beautiful brown eyes looking at me. Nick's face has a sense of relief on it.
"Can I.. I.. have a hug?" I sob. Nick looks at me, smiles big and nods before I throw myself into his arms. His embrace makes me feel calm and safe.

Nick's POV:
He is back. The PTSD - flashback is over and he knows it's me who's here. He throws himself into my arms crying and hugs me tight, and I do the same back. My beautiful boy, I feel so sorry for him.
"Sorry.." I hear a small pitiful voice say. I break out of the hug and look at him, meeting his red-shot eyes.
"No.. no, its okay. I understand" I answer shortly and hug him tightly again, afraid to let go of him. I will never let go of him again. Never.