Perfectly Broken

4....

~ 𝒥 ~ 𝐵~ 𝐵 ~

2024. Brooklyn Apartment

"No!" He shouted as he sat up, chest going up and down frantically, he could've sworn his heart was begging to be taken out from within. It was racing agains his chest, as if it was protesting for an imediate scape, to be let out from it's cage and from the torture of pumping so much blood.

He was breathing hard and fast, trying to control his breathing as he had been told- and seen in internet, sometimes it miraculously worked, sometimes it didn't, sometimes it just made it worst, thinking that it didn't worked the second he tried made his fear get bigger and worsen the situation, it was suffocating, he just wanted the same his own heart was asking, he wanted to rip it out and satisfy it's pleas. To get rid of the hell he had from within. Peace. Something so simple, something he never though he could get, yet it didn't stoped him from wishing for it.

"Make it stop." He whispered sad and helplessly to the nothing "Please, just make it stop." It felt as if it would never end, when he finally had calmed along the day, something else had to come and trigger another episode, or the dreadfull night would come. And he wouldn't sleep- again.

For most it was time to rest, a time of peace and relaxation. For him, it a reminder of his bad luck, and how instead of living his life decades ago, he had been forced to live trough time. Now that it was 'over', he needed to deal with the sequels, he had make it work. Never something he had choosen, at this point, he was pretty sure he wouldn't ever get to.

"Just- just make it stop." If someone could understand his pain, even if it was just a part of it. No judgement, just understandment. He didn't wanted what he had. Hell, even if it seemed unfair to think of it this way, as he had been his mother and father's boy, his sister's role model, Steve's strenght, he wished he hadn't been born, he didn't asked for any of this. Life had turned more dark, somber and lonely. But he was afraid, and he wouldn't show it, he couldn't.

His perhaps worse enemy was yet his only companion, it never left. Fear.

~ 𝒥 ~ 𝐵~ 𝐵 ~

January 1945, Swiss Alps

"Remember when i made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?" Bucky asked

Steve was looking ahead at the mountains, everyone was scared or nervous, but as the leader he was the one in charge to make sure all would work "Yeah and i trew up?" He replied

Well, maybe running pranks on Steve wasn't the best idea after all. He hated this, the sight made hs stomach twist and his brain was already runing wild, even if he tried not to the uneasiness and maybe a slight bit of betrayal made it past his lips "This isn't payback, is it?" That just spoke by itself

"Now why would i do that?" He said trying to bite back a smile that still slipped out.

"We were right. Doctor Zola's on the train." Jones said as he turned to them, taking off the headphones attached to the transceiver "Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he's going, they must need him bad"

"Let's get going, because they're moving like the devil" Falsworth said and everyone started to get ready

"We only got about a 10 second window. You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield" What a miracle the captain didn't graced them with a speech, maybe the short time, or maybe he just didn't knew what to say. Either way, he positioned himself on the line and hung the arness, hooking it to the cable, ready to fight and win the mission

Then Falsworth told to them "Mind the gap" before they leapt onto the wire and zipped down towards the incoming train.

"Better get moving, bugs!" Dugan said as he checked the speed of the train on his wristwatch. The tone didn't gave it away at all, but waste an oportunity to mock Steve? He couldn't do that.