A Matter of Unimportance

26. Sage, Dill & Basil

Summer is my favorite season. I especially like it at the beginning, in late June when the flowers are still in full bloom and the sweltering heat hasn't quite slumped their petals. I like that the rain stops, and the breezes become warm. I like that everybody seemingly has more energy than they've ever had before.

This summer was an awakening like I'd never experienced before. From the moment my mother had passed to that inevitable turning of the seasons, I felt like I'd been sleeping. I'd been trapped in a day dream where everything was completely out of my control. Somebody else was constantly calling the shots and I'd just been along for the ride, but that summer was different. I was on my own. I was making the decisions. It was all finally up to me.

I gave myself a routine to start every day.

I got up early and always grounded myself in the garden. I'd sit down in the dirt between two plants and I'd stretch and meditate on my thoughts. I'd remind myself that from soil came life and I'd soak in that infinite ability for growth even in the most hostile of environments. I'd remind myself how free I was. I'd also smoke a cigarette, which had nothing to do with self care. I just did it to get myself outside at first, and then I couldn't stop.

Afterwards I'd go inside and make myself breakfast. When I finished eating, I'd clean my dishes immediately. I never left anything in the sink. Clutter was trapping and I was free.

When I went to my room to get dressed, I never thought about my clothes too seriously. I never let myself consider who might be looking at them, with the exception of myself. Nobody was watching. Nobody would be following, evaluating everything about me from my movements to my clothing. I wore what I wanted. I slipped Whayas rings onto my fingers delicately regardless of whether or not they matched. I painted my nails on Saturdays.

The markets were also on Saturdays. Oddly enough that makes Saturday my favorite day of the week. I learned after a few weeks of freedom that I loved working. It was different before, when I was working due to the need to survive. I still lived well below the poverty line and technically needed to survive, so that bit hadn't changed entirely, but I was surviving on my own now. I was working to get the things I needed, but for the first time I had the ability to also think about the things I wanted without the weight of surveillance and control on my shoulders. I was working to thrive. I was working because I wanted to, and because I valued my time spent in the community.

When I was starving, my dear Penelope gave me food because she knew that it could help me. It was a simple and easy thing that she was capable of doing. She saw a problem, and she found the power to solve it. We are all powerful like that. There are always things we can do to affect the ailments of another person. It's just a matter of finding out what our power is; where it comes from and how we can use it.

Whaya taught me a lot about herbal remedies, Wiccan practices and healing crystals. When I was a child, she and I even cast curses upon those who had slighted my  mother. It was all fun and games back then, but I still believe in aspects of it all, at least in small parts. Whaya was powerful. I saw it with my own eyes. I'll never deny that.

Whaya taught me to be powerful too.

I took some time off of working at the market when I was busy plotting homocide. Then I took a more pronounced break when I didn't leave my house for the month of rest that I so very desperately needed. After that month, I had some repair to do. I needed to repair my home. I needed to repair my mind and my body. I needed to find and repair some level of power.

When I finally returned that summer, it was with newfound power entrenched in the entire operation.

My new table still had some soap and jewelry and under the table pot in it, but it also had my own carved candles, herbs from the garden, and crystals collected both from Whayas things and a new supplier in the city that was young and respectably scrappy and completely willing to trade me baby pot plants for an array of useful crystals.