SHADOWS OF AFFECTION (Mafia Series 6) (Completed✓)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

SELENA'S POINT OF VIEW:

Limang araw pagkatapos ng nangyaring halik sa'min dalawa ni daddy ay halos hindi na ako makapag-isip ng tama. Ang ibig kong sabihin mas lalo akong lumala ngayon. At ayoko sa ganitong klaseng pakiramdam. I feel like im drawn to him. I want to see him everyday yet, at the same time, I'm confused.

Every time I caught a glimpse of him or heard his voice, kumakabog ng mabilis ang dibdib ko. He had a way of making me feel truly seen and appreciated at hindi ko alam kung bakit nangyayari sa'kin to. Palagi niya akong pinapangiti at pinapasaya sa twing malungkot ako. But even though I was happy, I also felt confused and uneasy. A feeling of uncertainty washed over me, as if a shadow had suddenly dimmed my elation na tuluyang nagbibigay lito sa'kin.

I couldn't understand why I felt this way. This is not me. The true essence of me never easily allows just any man, especially him, to kiss me. The real me has never felt any excitement or happiness in my heart when being kissed or hugged. Pero ngayon, nagbago na. At sa sobrang pagbabago parang nakakaiyak sa hiya.

He raised me. I see him as my dad, I see him as my own father tapos ano? Nagpapahalik lang ako? I know he felt the same way as well, I knew he addressed me as his own daughter too so I dont understand why he kissed me. I mean, why do he have to do such thing? Ah shit. Why am I asking some questions when I knew it takes two to tango. He will not kissed me if I didn't let him, his lips wouldn't touch mine if I stop him. Ugh. Someone please slap me.

“So? He adopt you?”

Nabalik ako sa ulirat ng magsalita si Flora. “You mean to say, 10 years old ka pa lang nong in-adopt ka niya?” -dagdag niya “How old is he then?”

“He was 18”

I lean my back sa upuan na nandidito sa loob ng cafe at kinain ang inorder kong black forest cake. Kanina pa natapos ang klase at hanggang ngayon nakatambay pa kami dito. Mamaya na ako uuwi kapag nakatulog si dad.

6 pm na pero heto, wala parin akong planong umuwi. Naka off rin yong phone ko para hindi niya ako matawagan. I feel uncomfortable seeing his face, I need to remove him from my system so that I won't feel any awkward whenever we see each other.

Sinabi ko na kay Flora ang totoo dahil wala naman na akong maita-tago. Saka isa pa, naiinis na rin ako dahil palagi syang tanong ng tanong, dinaig niya pa ang ilang dalubhasang reporter kapag ini-interview ako. Na ha-hot seat ako sa kanya. Wala na rin naman na akong choice dahil nakita niya na ako sa loob ng mansion ni daddy, ano pang palusot ang sasabihin ko?

She saw with her own eyes kung paano ako kinarga ni dad gamit ang mga bisig niya. Ayaw niya pa nga sanang maniwala sa sinabi ko mabuti na lang sa huli hindi na nag tanong.

Even though I am worried about my dad, I am still happy because it seems like I am improving now. Nahahawakan ko na si Flora, sa wakas hindi na ako takot na madikit sya sa'kin, kapag naglalakad, kapit kamay kaming dalawa. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko na over come ang fear ko pero little by little, alam kong mawawala rin to.

My Doctor even congratulated me nang malaman niya ang good news about my phobia. I am happy, very very happy because finally, hindi lang si dad at Nanay Abi ang mahahawakan ko. Nagpapa-theraphy din naman ako kaya siguro nagagawa ko na ang mga bagay na hindi ko ginagawa dati. An improvement na alam kong ipinagmamalaki ng totoo kong mga magulang

When my friend told me lahat ng kagagahang ginawa ko nong gabing naglasing ako. I feel so embarrassed, sino namang hindi mahihiya dun? Hindi ako kailan man uminom ng alak but at the end, I got wasted. Really thankful dad didn't talk about that night.

“What time ka uuwi?”

I exhaled a long, weary sigh when Flora asked me. “I don't know. Maybe 8:30?”