I find myself questioning a lot of things. Is it over for us? Do I not have another chance? Does he no longer love me? Two weeks ago I went to see him with my friends and he threw a cheesecake at me. He was jealous. That must mean he still loves me right? He still thinks about me right? I don't want to say that I still love him. I don't think I do. I think I'm just obsessed with the idea of someone being obsessed with me. I want someone to hold me the way he did again. I want someone to see me as their everything. I am being very greedy. I have never felt this way about someone before. When I would break up with my other exes, I would move on in two months. It's been five months since we broke up. Well, more of since I broke us up. I still find myself being sad a lot. I still have all of our old photos in my camera roll named "My Love" and I still look at them from time to time. I feel like this is something that should be told to my therapist but I unfortunately dropped therapy since I felt I didn't need it anymore. I can feel myself go mad. I wrote him a letter he will never receive. It is three pages front and back. Maybe tomorrow I will go to the beach to cool my head. Maybe tomorrow I will try to be better.
