What do you do when a teenage movie star makes it seem as if you've kidnapped him? After working two summers at his father's health club as a towel boy, Peter Fisk saved enough money to visit California. He literally runs into Lance Hardwood in his...
Team Pete piled into our James Dean piloted Rolls Royce. All I wanted to do was bash my head against a wall. The one thing I'd forgotten to do, that I'd been sidetracked on by both circumstance and Lance himself, was to check out Tucker Chang. We'd just escaped the fiasco at the Thousand Oaks Hilton. Lance had told me Tucker was our inside man at Disney. I'd made a mental note to confirm that, and never did.
How could I have been so slipshod? So sloppy? So – stupid! I played everything back in my head – observations, comments, people's body language, Lance's sweet talking, the Extreme Lancer's crazy devotion – trying to follow Nina's methods. Sure enough, red lights began popping up in the oddest of places.
Speaking of red lights, we were stopped at one. "James!" I said with a hint of determination mixed with an almost martial desire for control. Heads turned. Nina's eyebrows hit the car roof.
"Yes, Peter? What are your orders?"
"Are you following Tucker's car?"
"Of course."
"How far ahead is he?"
"Almost a mile."
"We'll never catch up!" Scarlet moaned.
"James, is there a self-driving car rental place nearby?"
"Yes, Sir. There are currently 12 models available."
"What are you plannin', hon?" asked Scarlet.
"I think I know, ma'am," Derek said sweetly, and whispered in her ear.
"Can you access all 12, and have them herd Tucker into a dead-end alley with no way to escape?"
"Yes, Sir. It would be better if someone else drove me manually. Co-ordinating 12 cars on busy city streets will prove tricky, Peter."
"I'll drive. None of you have my experience in big city driving. And I'm already in the driver's seat. Ready when you are, J.D." Nina sounded excited - eager, actually.
"Thank you, Ms. Moen."
There was the slightest of lurches, and Nina turned left, going up at a 90-degree angle. "It's just before 11. If I remember, the trolley is up two blocks. If I time it right..."
"Watch out for the OLD LADY AND HER POODLES!" shouted Derek. Nina honked – the notes of 'God Save The King' blaring in four directions caused tourists to scatter and one older gentleman, across the street in a bowler hat, to sing along.
"Are the Mouseketeers still following us?" Nina shouted.
"Yes, ma'am," answered Derek. I followed his gaze, and sure enough. Micky & Manny were squeezed together in a Smart Car, only 10 cars between us. Ahead of us, we heard the trolley bell. Nina began counting down. The trolley just made the top of the street when she sped up, turned right and, with the trolley right behind her, sped downward.
"And now," Nina inquired, her voice tense, "I'd really, really like to know..." Her vision was on the street, dodging and weaving through dozens of cyclists and pedestrians. "Why did you choose a Rolls, Scarlet? Could you have chosen a wider car, hmm? James could easily have been an Aston Martin!"
"Not enough room for your ego, darling. Don't get your WATCH OUT FOR THE STROLLER expensive perm curls in a twist and snap at me, sweetie!" Miss Fever retorted.
"This is SO worth more than just one measly..." Nina began.
"TOUR BUS GROUP!!!!" bellowed Derek.
"Sweet Honey in the Rock, Marine! Get a grip! Hey, James, how's cornering the evil Chang coming?" Nina was actually having fun in the midst of this San Fran insanity.
"He's heading towards Highway 1 and then will probably take the Golden Gate Bridge to the Muir Woods. There are three schools between Eighth and Ninth Avenues that I'll try to herd him into. I'll let you know which."
"How is our...TOURISTS, NINA!!...fleet of twelve doing?" I queried.
"Eleven. One got sideswiped by a motorcycle and I had to swerve to avoid hitting him. Star of the Sea Elementary. Hurry!"
"How far..."
"Next left. School's on your right."
Miracle of miracles, there was an empty space in the parking lot. A gunshot was heard ahead. Derek burst out of the car and sprinted towards him, running through about 40 students who were dressed in their P.E. clothes, all headed ack to the main building.
"Good holy Christ, there are children here!" screamed Scarlet. Derek was ahead as we ran across the playing field, but I was quickly closing the gap when I saw the soccer ball.
"Get the ball and travel with it!" I shouted. "Pass when I tell you." Derek nodded. I love a man who trusts my orders and my instincts.
Tucker stopped, having reach a fence that was much too high to quickly climb and still get away.
"Pass! Drop!!" I cried.
I caught the ball from Derek a second before Tucker began to turn around, bringing his pistol up.
I said a prayer to the Gay Gods and kicked, hard. I may never had officially played with my high school soccer team, but I did practice with them. In slow motion, Derek went down, Tucker's bullet harmlessly grazing his arm just as the soccer ball smashed into his nose. He dropped the gun and fell backwards. Miss Scarlet launched her formidable frame into the air and tackled him.
From inside her old man suit, Nina pulled out a pair of police-grade zip-ties. When she caught me staring, she laughed. "They were just lying on this officer's desk, and I thought they might just come in handy. Besides, I did him a favor in college."
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Tucker Chang wasn't going anywhere. Not until we had some answers. I'd already figured some things out and wanted confirmation on them. On an impulse, on our way back to the Fairmont, I asked him if Lance was expecting a call from him. I looked at him with as much menace as I could muster.
"If I don't show up in 20 minutes, he'll know something's up. We could still work something out, Peter. I'm not your enemy. Lance also likes you a lot, if that's worth anything." His broken nose was swollen and dripping blood.
Derek grabbed Tucker's face between his hands, shoved some gauze up each of his nostrils and said with real menace, "You're not his friend, either."
I said what I had been wondering since the day Lance and I collided, and now knew was true. "Lance doesn't really care about anything except his career. You love Lance. It's why, all these years, you've tolerated all the shit he's asked you to do for him."
Derek squeezed my shoulder.
"Now, Mr. Chang," said James, "It's payback time." That was, without doubt, the most wonderful and creepiest thing I'd ever heard the AI say.
