Chapter 1: Happier than ever...

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(Bangchan's POV)

I was happy, I swear I was! I was doing many concerts and many shoots with my beloved members, what more could I ask for? We were making it on many articles, our fandom grew more, what more could we ask for? 

sure, with the growing fandom, our haters also grew, and some went as far as to try and physically injure the boys. That didn't matter though! We had stay by our side, a fandom of millions who love us with their heart.

Making music has been my passion from many years, I was basically living my childhood dream, what would I complain about? I have always been slightly insomniac, but music had always brought me peace.

I just can't put my finger on when this peaceful, and lovable hobby became a tiring chore. But perhaps I'm just being ungrateful. Life is beautiful, I have 7 soulmates, and I'm doing what I love. I should stop complaining. I am happy.

I heard writing your thought process in your diary helps calm you down, so I was writing all of this down after an extremely busy month. Right then, Felix walked in my room. I shut my diary and put it in my closet. 

He knew not to question it, he simply came and fell onto me smiling with his eyes closed. I hugged him with warmth, his hugs always heal me. He was like a little child, cuddling with me like I was his father.

"What're you doing in he-ah?" He said in Australian. 
"Nothing," I said. 
"come out! we wanna play a game!" He said, getting off.

"who's we?" I asked, getting up.
"Me and Han!"
"of course, you two are the only ones left with energy right now," I said, laughing in exhaustion. His smile shortened. 

"Are you tired chan?" He asked, still holding a small, friendly smile on his face.
"A little, but who wouldn't be? haha ain't nothing to worry about!" I said, walking upto the door, "Let's call others to play too!" I said opening the door.

Felix nodded and followed me outside. Han was sitting on the couch with his legs crossed, I smiled and jumped at him and started tickling him. Felix laughed menacingly and joined me. Han screamed and kicked his legs and tried his best to fight us off.

By the time I stopped, he was breathless and breathing heavy. Felix smacked him and teased him. Han got his revenge by surprising Felix with tickles. Felix screamed and tried to run away. I laughed at their childish playful behaviour. 

When Felix ran off, Hyunjin, who was just getting out of his room, caught Felix. He tried to get away saying, "let go Hyunjin! Han is after me!"
"Oof so much energy!" Hyunjin said, letting go of the hyper chicken he was holding.

When Han and Felix were finally tired, they plopped themselves on the couch and refused to move. Felix rested his head on Hyunjin's left shoulder and Han rested his head on the right one. I took a picture of the three on my phone.

I thought to myself that, this is how it is supposed to be. No matter what we do, or how tired we are, as long as we're together, I'll always be happy. We had a skz code episode to film later that day. After a day, we had a live performance to give.

We had been performing and shooting a lot these past few weeks, Lee know complained about his arm being soar, but every time I would try to tend to it he would say, "It'll be gone in a day, leave it be!"

After a couple of hours, our manager came over, and we drove to the studio. Stylists helped us get ready to start filming. By the time we were done with the shoot and returned home, it was already past 1 am. 

As soon as we got home, everyone took a shower, dressed into their pajamas and fell asleep. I however couldn't fall asleep. Not even after a warm comforting shower. I took out my diary, and read what I had written earlier in the morning.

It did not sound like I was happy at all. I should be happy, too much work is hardly something to complain about. All of my members are younger than me, and yet they smile and laugh around and stay happy. I should take care of them.

If I think too much about my own exhaustion, who would take care of my members when they get tired? I should be a better leader. A good leader always puts his member before himself. I got up to check on the members, what if one of them can't sleep but doesn't want to bother me?

I was relieved all of them were asleep, until I walked into Changbin's room and saw him sitting at his desk writing something. He was startled when I put my hands on his shoulders. "oh hyung it's you," he said.

"Why are you awake so late Binnie?" I asked. I looked at his desk and it looked like he was writing lyrics. He covered when he saw me reading it. It hit me like a bullet. Was he writing about exhaustion too? this whole time he was that upset? god, how could I have been so ignorant?

He stood up, turned off his desk lamp and turned to me. He asked me, "hyung, why are you awake?"
"oh, I wanted water and I came to check on everyone while getting water," I said casually. "don't answer my question with a question!" I added, in a strict tone.

"I couldn't sleep so I was writing whatever came to mind," Changbin answered, walking upto his bed.
"why couldn't you sleep? you're usually a heavy sleeper," I said, sitting on his bed next to him. He laid down and covered himself with his blanket. He turned on the aircon.

"hyung, are you happy right now?" he asked. 
"of course I am changbin! why wouldn't I be? you tell me about yourself! what is up with you? are you okay? I'm right here!" I said. 
"Okay then, I'll sleep now, you should go sleep too. Goodnight," He said, switching off the lights.

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To be continued. . .

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