Zach & Ryan

(7) Newton's fifth law - Ryan

a/n we have 9 days left in hospital until I'm free :) very excited! this chapter is a lot sweeter and a lot calmer than the previous ones. Just a reminder that all of these chapters are only edited by me atm and they are still going to be edited. This is a work in progress so please be patient especially when I get discharged from hospital as I will have a lot less time to write and writing is a time consuming process <3 

tw (trigger warning)

cw (content warning) 

cw sneaking out 

Chilly air streamed into my room through my window. Arms wrapped around my knees my chin resting on my left patella gazing longingly out of the double glazing. Bringing myself back to reality, my eyes flitted down to Zach's jumper just lying on the floor. Crumpled. Something about it seemed inherently abhorrent, the idea something of Zach's wasn't worthy of a place in his room. My hands reached for it, pulling it towards me. His scent floated through the molecules and was drawn up through my nose. Comfort was the first emotion that filled me, the feeling that you are existing and that is ok. Gods I miss that boy. Unexpectedly, my arms around my knees felt like his, his firm grip on my shoulders... Why did it have to arise now? What about Zach? Well obviously, I know what it is but still... Intercostal muscles refusing to do their job caused my body to heave with effort of refilling my lungs with the lifeblood they necessitated. And now the walls were closing in- I need to get out.  

- cw -

Somehow, I ended up out of my window, down the street and halfway to the forest before my brain caught up with my body. Abandoning the comfort of bedroom, transposing surveying my cream, poster covered walls for witnessing the semi-deserted streets. Legs moving of their own accord, dragging me with them, being pulled forward by some invisible string. Some cultures believe in the strings of fate- maybe that's what this was? Destiny and fate are concepts I find myself buying into increasingly as I mature. All I could do is let my body move. Brisk wintry oxygen scraped down the sides of my trachea, imprinting the pain of freedom. Soon the forest was in sight, conifers were so large and intimidating it almost was if they were warning me of something irreversible. Pain jolted my attention to my side- a stitch. Soldiering on until there was an opening in the forest, a winding wooden walkway leading me even further pulled by the sibylline string attached to my chest, I leant my back against the rough, nodular bark of a long leaf pine. Sternum rising and falling, filling and emptying. Only now did I notice that it was Zach's jacket keeping me toasty. Slowly I found the breath I had lost, the lactic acid dematerialising from my side following the boardwalk I found a clearing. Packed soil left a level surface for the falling pine needles to reside upon, the perfect location to watch the moon traverse across the sky. Stars scattered around it like admirers or copycats. Stars smaller moons, supernovas outshining even the sun, something more transcendental than the planets. Stars could be observed for years with no change but one night a couple fires would extinguish. Only those who really cared would notice. Only the persistent could acknowledge such a miniscule change in the vast expanse of space. Only those who...  

"Ryan? What are you doing here?"  

What was unequivocally Zach's voice, sounded from the backdrop. 

"Zach?" 

Pivoting to look behind me I saw Zach standing there, subconsciously I pulled the sleeves over my hand so I could grip the cuff tighter. Appreciating the bark under my hand I was struck with how emotionally drained Zach looked, shoulders slumped, eyes drooped and puffy. Concern sparked in my solar plexus. Was I the cause of his distress? 

"I didn't know you came here too." 

Zach took a few steps forward to sit down cross legged in the centre of the clearing. Warm eyes followed the outline of my figure assessing why I was here.