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𝓜atilda.
౨ৎ
Matilda'sDiary / KeepOut
The world is not made for girls like me.
Daddy says I am special, that I have a beautiful mind that sees the world in ways others can't. He says I'm like a little butterfly, delicate and unique. I believe him because he's my daddy, and daddies never lie.
But no one else sees me the way Daddy does.
My primary school is a big, noisy place with lots of people. It's like being lost in a maze, with no one to guide me through the twists and turns. The other children avoid me like I am an alien from another planet. Sometimes they laugh at me, and it feels like their laughter is echoing in my head, getting louder and louder until it's all I can hear.
My Year 6 classroom is like a prison, with bright lights and loud voices bouncing off the walls. The desks are too hard, the chairs too uncomfortable. As soon as I step inside, my tummy hurts like there's this big knot twisting and turning inside me. I try to focus on my teacher's words, but her voice is like thunder, booming in my ears as she talks about things that make no sense to me.
The words on the whiteboard dance around, refusing to sit still long enough for me to understand them. It's like they are playing a game of hide-and-seek, but I am the one who's always losing. I want to run away, to hide in a quiet corner where no one can find me, but there is nowhere to go.
Sometimes, the kids at my school are nice to me. They giggle and say hi, but their words feel like stones, heavy and cold. They speak slowly to me, like I am a baby or their pet, and it makes me feel all twisty and small inside. And when they do talk to me, it's like they are speaking a different language. They use big words and complicated sentences that swirl around in my head.
Once, they asked me to play a game with them. Something called tag. I didn't know how to play, but I wanted to be included, so I said yes. They told me to run and hide, so I did. But when they found me, they got mad. They said I wasn't playing right, that I was supposed to run away from them, not hide behind a tree. But they didn't tell me that, so how was I supposed to know? I did what they said, exactly as they said it, but they still were angry at me.
Then, one of them called me a name that I didn't understand. Ree-tart, it sounded like. I looked around, trying to see if anyone was laughing or if I had done something else wrong, but everything seemed normal. I asked Daddy about it later, but he just looked angry and upset and said it wasn't a nice word. I wish people would use nice words about me, like kind or friend, instead of ones that make me feel all sad.
