All my friends were dead.
Literally and metaphorically, everyone I'd grown to love was gone. The bridge exploding, all the hard work we built in the name of peace gone in an instant, broke any resolve left in me. Any shred of hope faded into the sky like the smoke billowing from the ashes that once connected Alexandria to the Savior's outpost.
For this reason, I needed to leave, to run away from the agony of all the memories I no longer wanted.
"So, I'm sorry," I whispered, kissing my fingertips and pressing them to the cold stone of Abe's grave marker. Moss and mud ran in streaks down the face of it, obscuring the rough hand-carved name and inscription I did myself for so many years. I longed to fix it and plant a bed of flowers around it, but I never found the nerve to disturb his resting place.
I sat on my knees to the side of it, not caring if my jeans got stained or that my It stuck out of the dirt and grass of what used to be the backyard of our house in Alexandria but now it was all reduced to shambles. Behind me, the metal wall, torn down by guns and trucks, gave way to my escape.
"I can't do this anymore. I see you in everything."
And it was true. From my spot, I saw the length of the main street from around the side of the pillaged house, and I knew where it led very well. Sitting underneath the main house, the man responsible for Abraham's death sat, alive and breathing. He needed to pay for his crimes with the same fate he bestowed upon Abraham and Glenn. The houses and streets were haunted.
"Goodbye," I said and stood to leave. I gave one last look at my home and then I just left without looking back.
"Where are you going?" I stopped, almost to the tree line, and a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks. It belonged to the one person I regretted not giving a goodbye to. Of course, she'd find me.
"What does it look like, Savanna?" I said, looking over my shoulder and seeing her with her arms crossed over her chest.
"I saw you leave." She said, walking towards me, the grass up to her knees. I smirked as I watched her stomping through the trees, confident and right at home between them. Her dark brown hair was a mess, a twig stuck in the ends, and a little cut sliced the top of her cheek.
"Not a goodbye note or anything."
"Don't try to stop me," I warned, turning around fully looking up into her eyes as she stopped in front of me, the toes of our boots touching.
"I won't, Rose. You know me better than that. I've always let you do your own thing and I've never questioned your decisions but–but why didn't you tell anyone?"
I turned my back on her, the hurt in her eyes too much to handle at the moment. I didn't want anyone I loved to hurt because of me but I needed this.
"If he gets to live, I can't be there anymore, Savanna. It's–it's too much." I almost break down into tears at the memories of that night, the bat coming down on Abe's head repeatedly until he was nothing but a smear of red, and how Negan did nothing but laugh.
"I know, babe." She said and her arms wrapped around my shoulders, bringing me into a tight hug, an embrace she only saved for special occasions.
"Where are we going?" She asked as we pulled apart.
"We?"
"Rose, you're my sister. I am not leaving you alone. If you need a journey of self-discovery, count me in. I could use a vacation. Alexandria can suck it. Hilltop can suck it. Daryl can suck it. And a few others we don't mention any more."
"What about Daryl?" I asked but didn't dare bring up Blair.
"What about him?" She asked as we made our way deeper into the woods. A few purple flowers grew wild at the bases of the trees and she bent to pluck two, one behind her ear and the other to be ripped apart by her hands.
"Does he know you left?" I asked and she remained silent, her jaw set tight, her fingers ripping the petals from the wildflower more aggressively until the floodgates of her thoughts opened.
"You think we wouldn't hear his big mouth if he did? I actually don't know where he is, haven't seen him in a few days. Ever since Rick, he's been super quiet, going out for weeks at a time trying to find him. Such a hypocrite bitch. He can leave whenever he wants but the moment I even take a step off the grounds, he throws a giant tantrum. I miss Rick with all my heart but it's been months. I wish he'd just accept that Rick is gone. People die. Accept it."
"He blames himself. I get that. And, he loves you. If anything happened to you, Sav..." I told her, speaking for myself and Daryl.
"I know that but...he's changed and I'm worried. And to make it worse, I think he and Nikki are having problems again. He's pushing her away and she's letting him."
"They're such a mess," I said, thinking back on all their drama; it made me laugh but I knew they'd find their way back to one another. They always did.
"Tell me about it. I never want to be in their shoes. I do not envy him." She explained and I arched my eyebrow, giving her a sharp side glance but keeping my mouth shut at all the drama she brought to my door in the past couple of years. With Blair. With Shane. Even Eugene.
We broke out of the trees and made our way to the middle of the road, the pavement cracked and littered with leaves. Weeds and other plants grew from them and it was almost impossible to see the asphalt and paint. Up ahead, the road rose into a hill, the sky gray and cloudy above the crest as the sun began to sink. Several old houses stood on either side like a crowd honoring our departure.
"Ready?" I asked.
"Ready." She said, grabbing my hand and leading me forward.
