when i was fourteen i decided that i wanted to be a breath of fresh air. i tried to be the person you'd talk to after talking to everyone and leave feeling a little lighter. but i was contaminated, and soon i realized i wasn't suited for that. so when i was seventeen i wondered if the only way i'd be able to
make the world better was by leaving it. but i knew how much people loved me, and while i hated them for doing so, i could see that leaving wouldn't decontaminate anything- it would simply leave a small space of thin, unbreathable air, perhaps in a spot where something once used to be. so now i simply exist. if i clean the air, that's great, and if i contaminate it, fuck it- it's my air too. i don't know if it's an equilibrium of good and bad or if it's nothing- but at this point i don't have the energy to care. not everything has to mean something. it is enough to simply exist.
