Road of the Lonely Ones ✸ Paul Lahote

005. Taste of Cruelty

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Paul freaking Lahote was in her house, invading her privacy, infiltrating her secrets that she wanted to keep locked down and wrapped around her ribs for as long as she could. But she could feel them, they had crawled their way up and were now lodged in her throat, fighting to make an escape. She already felt as if he knew too much anyway. And now, now he was inside her home. The home where her father had grown to dislike her and wasn't afraid to show it. God, she was so embarrassed. Absolutely humiliated, not only had she had to rush into the kitchen and scramble up a dinner out of nowhere, but now Paul was sat at the dinner table, casual as ever, conversing with her brother. She had wanted to keep these two things separate, her life inside her house was no one's business other than hers. Finally, she felt shame, shame that there was a possibility that Paul would see how much of a cruel person she was to her family,

Her inner conflict rowed at her. It's not your fault! and You selfish girl! Sat on her shoulders like angel and devil.

All because when she looked in the mirror she saw the pained expression of her mother. Sharp nose, high set eyebrows, dark eyes. She couldn't escape it.

"Hey, you okay?" Saskia jumped out of her skin, finally noticing how she'd been running her hand under hot water from the tap that now her skin was red raw. She snatched her hand away and hid it behind her back as she swung around to meet the curious gaze of the one person she'd never thought would be standing in her kitchen.

"Fine." Sas answered Paul shortly, wishing the night to be over already. She grabbed the dish of potatoes and was ready to walk past him to the dining room when he blocked her passage.

"What did you do to your hand?" His face didn't change, and he stood tall. How the fuck did he know she'd done something to her hand?

"Nothing." Again, a short answer. "Dinner's ready come on" She managed to duck under his arms and rush to the other room before he could interrogate her anymore. Paul sighed in frustration, keeping his anger at bay at her dishonesty.

The table was surprisingly set when she walked in, and her brothers and father were already sitting at their designated spots. For once it felt like they were a family again. Though one look at her mother's chair, which Paul had now sat in, filled her with dread as she dished out everyone's dinners. There was no way that this night was going to end up in any way other than awful. Especially as she took notice of the huge gulps her father kept taking from his flask.

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Perhaps Saskia was wrong; the night wasn't going so horribly. Paul was entertaining her brothers. As Levi was the same age as him they got along well enough, and Hugo was in awe of the older boy as they conversed about sports, doing his best to involve the 7-year-old in their conversation.

"You play lacrosse?!" Hugo beamed at him almost jumping up and down in excitement.

"I sure do" Paul smiled brightly at the younger boy. "I could teach you to play if that would be okay?" He offered staring at the girl beside him for some confirmation, Saskia would have smiled at their interaction if she wasn't glancing at her father every two seconds, waiting for him to say something, to do something. She kept repeating the words in her head: Do it, Do it, Do it, Do it, Make a fool out of me, DO IT!

"Yes, yes, oh my god yes!" Her brother squealed in excitement, Levi laughing along with Paul at his behaviour. "Sassy, did you hear? Paul is gonna teach me how to play lacrosse!" She whipped her head over to the boys, to see them all staring at her with different looks in their eyes, it hurt her brain.