No one knows but my heart isn’t really okay. Hindi lang dahil sa sakit na idinulot ng tatay ko, o ng pagkawala ni mama, o ang pagkuha nila sa kapatid ko sa ‘kin. I was hurt because the man I thought wouldn’t hurt me, the first man I have trusted, the first man that I loved broke up with me four months ago because he told me he fell out of love.
Nothing hurts more than that, when you know that there’s nothing wrong, na okay naman kayo pero biglang hindi ka na pala niya mahal. He fell out of love, and told me he’s not happy with me anymore.
Pero wala nang sasakit pa na hinayaan mo siya kasi ayaw mong piliting manatili ang isang tao sa ‘yo kung alam mong hindi na talaga siya masaya . . . but a few weeks after you broke up, he already has a girlfriend. I was busy fixing my own, tapos makikita kong okay at masaya na siya sa iba. Sa ilang taon naming relasyon, I never felt that his love was shallow. Ang alam ko mahal na mahal niya ako kahit dumarating sa puntong kahit sarili ko hindi ko na maintindihan.
I won’t lie. Magulo ako. Maraming iniisip at dala-dala sa buhay but I acted tough. Akala ng lahat okay ako, na nagtatago lang ako sa malakas na personalidad, pero sa loob-loob ko, durog na durog na ako.
Just as I thought na medyo nakakabawi na ako, saka ko naman malalaman na mag-propose na siya sa bago niya. Funny, right? We’ve been together for four years . . . pero siguro mukhang hindi niya nakikita ang kinabukasan niya kasama ako.
Masakit pero may magagawa ba ako? Wala. Dawson chose that. He chose her. And maybe it was really true, that sometimes a person you just met a few months ago is better than the person you know for years. Baka siguro mas okay siya kaysa sa akin. I don’t throw a pity party for myself. Siguro deserve ko rin ang lahat ng ‘to at hindi ko talaga kailangang maawa sa sarili ko.
But I wasn’t stupid enough not to think that maybe, while we were still together, that girl was already present in his life. I don’t care anymore. It’s a good thing I was freed early from more intense heartbreak.
Nawalan na lang talaga ako ng pakialam sa lahat.
I let go of Zai’s hug when I realized that we’re in public. Kalmado na ako at mas nakakapag-isip ng tama, kaya alam ko sa sarili kong dapat na rin itigil ni Zairus ang ginagawa niya.
That’s a trap. Kapag nahulog ako sa patibong niya, katapusan ko na.
“Are you okay now?” he asked.
I simply nodded.
I was silent the whole ride. Hindi rin naman siya nagsasalita at mas sanay akong ganiyan siya kaysa kung ano-anong lumalabas sa bibig niya. I don’t even know why I agreed pero siguro wala rin namang masama. Six months . . . six months lang. Kaya ko ‘yon. Hindi naman ako madaling mahalin at lalong hindi ako mabilis mahulog lalo pa at alam kong nasasaktan pa rin naman ako hanggang ngayon . . . at alam kong siya rin.
Hindi ko lang alam kung alam ba niya ang tungkol sa akin but I hope he doesn’t, kahit pa alam kong minsan ay may kadaldalan si Jairus. Siguro naman hindi niya kinekwento sa iba ang mga nangyayari sa akin. As if they care, right? Lalo na itong katabi ko.
Days passed by quickly. I was back in Manila when Tita Meryll told me that she wants to talk to me. Busy ako, but I think it was rude to decline her invitation. Sa tingin ko ay alam ko na rin naman kung tungkol saan ang pag-uusapan.
I was in my usual clothes, corporate attire partnered with nude stilettos. I was sitting pretty in their sofa when an unfamiliar girl suddenly went downstairs. Medyo nakakairita ang lagabog ng mga yapak niya habang pababa dahil umaalingawngaw sa buong bahay but I remained poker faced, acting as if I didn’t see her.
Gulat na gulat ako nang lumapit siya sa akin at tinatanong kung umaano raw ako doon. Gusto kong matawa nang mahina dahil siya ang gusto kong tanungin kung umaano siya sa bahay ng mga Villaverde at mukhang bago siya sa paningin ko, but I don’t have the rights to ask that. This isn’t my place.
