The Nightmare of the Scholar

1 - SARAH

I'm living in hell.

I feel empty.

I just don't feel anything anymore. People think that I'm just making excuses. That I'm just another lazy teenage girl, but this is something more than just that.

There's a void in my life I am not able to fill, no matter what I do.

I have inspirational quotes all over my electronic devices.

My phone's wallpaper.

My Pinterest board.

My laptop's wallpaper.

The pages I follow on Instagram.

Even the walls of my room are encrusted with vision boards.

I was looking at my 2024 Vision Board right now. A new school year had started, and I had barely accomplished any of my goals from last year.

I didn't used to be like this. I had always been an overachiever. I always scored the highest grades in my school, had won a ton of awards and certificates.

I used to be good at practically everything, and everybody loved me.

But now, everything was gone. I got a B in my English test and a D in my Math test. I couldn't believe it when I first saw my result. All that hard work went in vain.

Plus, I lost to my academic rival, who surpassed me and the won the trophy this year.

I sighed.

I don't think I can do this anymore. I cannot be a total failure. If my life lacks substance, and purpose, I think it's time to end it.

"Sarah! You're getting late!"

My mom screamed from the living room.

I packed my bag and headed downstairs.

"Where is your mind these days, honey?", my mom asked me as I wasn't replying her.

I shrugged and exited through the front door.

The drive to school was as pathetic as the past few months had been. I got down the car and kept walking to the classroom. As I kept walking, lost in my thoughts, a tiny ball hit my head. I came to my senses and flinched.

"Sorry! We were playing catch-catch!", my best friend Courtney yelled.

Of course they were.

She rushed towards me.

"You don't look well. How was your summer?"

"Fine."

"Are you okay? Tell me if something's wrong", she insisted.

"I said I'm fine, Court."

"Okay. See you in Math class."

She went to the class with a small frown on her face. I hated being so cold and rude to the only person who never bullied me in school. She stood by me every time others looked down on me.

She was the cutest, the prettiest.

But lately, I hadn't been so nice to her. Yet she never fought with me, never left me alone to rot.

She's the best best friend anyone could ever ask for.

I reached my locker and started organizing it to relieve some of the stress. I loved organizing. And it had helped me a lot in stress management in the past.

"Look at this, Bissy"

There was only one human being on this planet who called me 'Bissy' because my surname was 'Biswas'.