i just hope you remember,
everything i went through in the last few months, i wished to completely let go, exhaustingly looking back to the old days, when everything was okay, nothing hurt as much and nothing was painful as much
i just hope you miss it,
i am guilty of some things i've done, it's my fault you're gone now. i hope you miss it when you think about our old times. or is that too selfish of me to even ask for? i wasn't honest with you, i wouldn't tell you everything that was on my mind back then, i was afraid i would be a burden. i cannot afford being someone else's burden when i can't even handle being my own. my life is shattering into pieces. everytime i try to forget about it, it is like life doesn't want me to forget. i get reminded of how it was every single day, i am surrounded by my friends who are happy and in love, yet i think i will never forget you. my mind won't let me forget you. when i look at things around me, everything reminds me of you. i look at something and i think "he would definitely like that" or "oh my god he would hate that". i started to be interested in the things you were interested in, i started listening to music i think you would like, and i started speaking like i think you would. i even started doing poetry because i thought your poems were heavenly. you and i are complicated. i wish to forget about us, but at the same time, i just really want you back.
i just hope you love me,
so much things happened to me in these past three months, i want to tell you all about it, how i dyed my hair purple, how i actually have friends at school now, how i fixed my relationship with my brother, how i am probably failing school or how i got another ear piercing. i wish i could share my life with you. i wish you and i could stop this and actually talk again. it's killing me inside but i promised myself i wouldn't text you again. i promised i wouldn't break the 'no contact' rule again. it's really scary, i hope it ends soon. i wish i could come to your hometown and hug you. nothing else in particular, i just wanna be there with you. i hope u love me, because i love you endlessly.
