I rushed to the window and flung it open, letting the crisp, cold air flood the room.
It wrapped around me like a soothing balm, calming my frayed nerves as I sit to the floor beside the open window.
"I'm sorry, Luka. I'm so sorry for everything," I murmured, resting my head on my knees, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Don't apologize, Izzy. You have every right to feel this way," Luka replied, wrapping a soft blanket around my shoulders and pulling me close.
His warmth was a comforting anchor in the chaos of my thoughts.
"I don't know how I'm going to survive this. The weight of what's happened feels unbearable," I admitted, lifting my head to meet his gaze, searching for reassurance in his eyes.
"You will. I believe in you. You're the strongest person I know," he reassured me, his words infusing me with a glimmer of hope. Even if he didn't fully understand the depths of my struggle, I clung to his belief, desperate to believe that I could find a way to carry on.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice steadier now as I began to process the moment.
Luka kept his arms around me, creating a cocoon of warmth that felt like a bridge between us. We were shifting from strangers to reluctant allies. Yet, even in this moment of solace, I knew he was not Noah. Noah had been a vibrant force in my life—full of laughter, light, and unyielding optimism.
"Noah left nothing to chance. He planned everything. When you two decided to come to Paris, he asked me to join you, to be at the hotel in case anything went wrong. He wanted to make sure you wouldn't be alone," Luka explained, his voice steady but tinged with a sadness that mirrored my own.
His words struck deep, resonating with the reality of our surroundings. Here we were in Paris, the sun slowly rising, casting a golden hue over the city—a beautiful backdrop for my shattered heart.
"I had no idea it was you. I never thought about it. But yes, that was Noah—always so predictable. How did you know something had happened?" I replied, my mind swirling with memories and regrets.
"I had just arrived at the hotel when I saw the paramedics. I sensed something was wrong, and then Katy called me, panicking, desperate and not knowing what to do," he continued, his voice a lifeline in my tumultuous sea of emotions.
˝You are a good friend to know that you took time out for your sick friend and made sure that nothing happened to his girlfriend, that she willl be safe even when he is gone. ˝ I say to Luke.
My fingers tracing the contours of the ring on my hand—a bittersweet reminder of love and loss.
˝Luke, can I ask you something? Why do you hate me, I feel like you're always mad at me when you see me? ˝ I continue.
˝I am not angry with you or with anyone. Not even at the fact that they got engaged, maybe that's how I really felt, but I was happy for you and I was happy for Noah that he met the love of his life, maybe I was a little jealous that he met the love of his life. ˝ He replies sincerely.
At least he seems sincere to me, although I think I can tell from his voice that he is hiding something, that he is hiding the truth.
˝Interesting. ˝ saying a little bit absent. And I look out.
˝What really happened? ˝ Luka pulls me out of my thoughts.
I take a breath. I will never be ready to talk about what happened a few hours ago.
"We arrived at the hotel, at the suite where we were setting up the restaurant, opened the champagne and danced in the moonlight overlooking the tower. ˝I feel as if my heart will betray me and tears well up in my eyes as I remember the beautiful events, remember how happy I was.
Will I ever be happy again in my life?
˝He just collapsed. And a big epileptic fit started. Despite all the medication, it wouldn't stop and it wouldn't stop and then I rang reception and I was about to give up and they came and took him away. ˝ I stopped again because I had to breathe, tears were running down my cheeks.
˝I called Katy in a panic; I didn't know who to call or what to do. Then I went to the hospital and looked for him, and when I entered the room, they pronounced him dead and I collapsed, so they still had work to do with me. ˝ I smile a little despite my tears.
˝I spoke to the doctor in the emergency room, where they also did a CT scan of my head, and they found that the disease had progressed, that there were tumours everywhere, and that it was only a matter of time before it happened. ˝ I say.
That thought calms me a little, because I know that I cannot change that, even though it is so bad and difficult, I could not stop his illness.
" You know, Noah knew he didn't have much time, I had coffee with him a few days before You two left, we talked and the last follow-up was pretty bad because his head condition had worsened and soon the oncologist wouldn't let him leave, but he insisted. As stubborn as he could be. ˝ Luka replies with a small smile.
It is the first time I have seen him smile. And his smile is beautiful, beautiful.
Behind all the anger and sulkiness is someone who is full of life, who is good-hearted, who is full of hope.
˝I didn't know, he never said much about his illness or anything else, I feel like I didn't know him at all. " My heart hurts because I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
But did I really know him? What was it that bound us? Was it love?
He doubted us.
I feel bad that I did not have time to get to know Noah for who he was.
On the flight to Paris, I promised myself that I would get to know him, that I would know everything. But obviously it was too late, time had taken him away from me.
I lean on Luke.
"You've been through too much; you've been through too much alone. "Luka replies in my ear.
So close and yet so far away in my heart.
I sigh.
" Are you tired? "Luka asks.
" I don't even remember when I last slept. It's been a night. I could go home, pack and check out. I have a flight this afternoon. "I speak thoughtfully, distracted.
For a moment I am confused.
But...
I am leaving with the things Noah had with him.
I am leaving alone.
It could have been just the two of us for the whole weekend. T
he weight of this event has changed my life forever.
I probably won't be travelling anywhere for years.
This is my last trip abroad.
And especially to Paris.
There will be a bitter aftertaste because of all the events that have taken place.
" Take a nap, at least for an hour or two, you will feel better. " Luka replies, which makes sense to me because my head seems to be switching off, I don't feel anything anymore.
"I don't want to be alone. "I say sincerely.
I am afraid of loneliness and of my thoughts. Where will they go if there is no one next to me?
